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I just told my parents!!!!!

2020.10.21 07:08 larkinpoewannabe I just told my parents!!!!!

So I told my mom I was lesbian first and she was a little skeptical, I think she doesn’t really believe I am because I haven’t always known, I just realized I was a little while ago (I’d been questioning if I was straight for a good 2 years though)
And then I told my dad and he just hugged me and I literally broke down crying. Like I knew they’d be okay with it but idk, I was just really emotional and my dad was like “of course it’s okay, you shouldn’t even worry about that, we’ll always love you” and then my mom was more okay with it after she saw how emotional I was I think she finally realized I wasn’t just saying it. Also my dad and I don’t really hug that much bc neither of us is really into physical contact with other human beings, so I think I was also emotional because of that.
Anyways I’m so happy right now. Also I found out my great uncle’s sister is lesbian (y’all, she has a “roommate”), and I’m pretty sure my great uncle’s daughter is lesbian as well (my dad just mentioned that he was pretty sure bc she’s never dated a guy, doesn’t talk about personal life, etc.)
Anyways, I didn’t want to tell them bc we’ve got some homophobic relatives that I don’t want to know. But they said they absolutely won’t tell anybody unless I’m 100% okay with it.
I’m just so happy I told them!!!!!!!!!!!
submitted by larkinpoewannabe to lgbt [link] [comments]


2020.10.21 06:36 guerillaoperator being stealth is...interesting.

i got a new job in the middle of this year, since you can't really work at a movie theatre during a pandemic and i still have to pay rent cus america sucks. by the time i'd applied i'd been just over a year on T, my voice is pretty much constantly in male range (unless i'm screaming, i guess. trying to voice train so i can change that, it sucks not being able to belt out to death metal anymore.) already had my gender marker and legal name changed, and i was blessed with a small chest and small hips. for some reason i didn't realize this would mean all of these people at this new job, who have never met me before august of this year, all immediately assume i'm cis.
i came to play with the idea a month ago when someone told me the bathroom was out of toilet paper and one of my managers said "it's fine if he just has to pee", which made me realize she most likely thinks i have a dick. it was solidified today when one of my managers said she occassionally wears shoes for kids and i told her "you can do that? that's weird." and she was like "yeah, us women are small so we can get away with stuff like that." i'm a size 10.5 in men's on a good day, size 11 in men's every other day. she didn't know this but she assumed it, which made me realize. holy crap, i'm passing 100% of the time in a city where no one knew me in high school.
i thought my height and lack of facial hair would've given me away and they were all just super supportive, but no. i'm full time stealth and didn't realize till fairly recently that i haven't been clocked yet. it's a little stressful refraining from talking about large parts of my social life (i'm straight and extremely traditional masculine outside of, like, painting my nails black on occassion, so it's not a major thing, but everyone else there is cis and straight so i do have to reel in a lot of my knowledge on the lgbt community, grit my teeth and play dumb with certain topics) and having to alter aspects of my childhood stories, but it's otherwise nice.
other guy coworkers my age go out of their way to talk to and befriend me, they're not hesitant about talking about women or sex with me like men were when i was a girl. i love when i get close to a girl and people immediately assume i have a thing for her, you couldn't get that as a lesbian cus straight is still the default. now when people assume i'm straight, they're correct and i'm happy about it. it's just nice to be seen as me, no questions asked.
despite all this, i have quite a few trans friends irl as well (my mentor is an older gay trans guy, and my best friend is a lesbian trans woman) so i still get a diverse inner circle and people to be myself around, but it's also nice to be fully accepted in the world as a guy, even if i have to tread carefully. i'm excitedly awaiting for my health insurance to get active so i can get into scheduling top surgery dates and whatnot so i can really cut loose, it's really the only thing holding me back from being as outgoing as i want to be.
submitted by guerillaoperator to ftm [link] [comments]


2020.10.19 07:43 thedoomdays Not sure exactly where I fall, but I’m gonna talk it out here, if thats alright.

Hi! I probably should’ve joined a group like this a while ago, but never really thought about it til I realized I was beginning to relate to a lot of content I’d seen elsewhere. Ngl, I’m definitely a bit confused, and although the FAQs were definitely thorough and helpful, sometimes I just need to talk it out. I guess I’ll just share some signs and experiences that led me here, if thats cool? (Also, 28, F, she/her)
-I have always been weird about people touching me, literally since I was a child. No trauma or anything, just an extremely strong sense of bodily autonomy. I’ve been compared to a cat in that way by multiple people including my ex lol
-I never cared for the relationship parts of fiction. I followed the vampire/dystopia trends but always skimmed over those parts because I really just cared about the action, adventure, and deaths. I watched GoT and plenty of other shows that get sexual, and in those scenes I just focus more on whatever art I’m making at the moment. Its just dead space in the storyline to me.
-I’ve noticed the music I like tends to be (mostly) about things other than sex/relationships. Thats actually what finally brought me here. There’s a lot of ace fans of my favorite band, and I kept relating to what those fans were tweeting, and it really got me thinking.
-I hate talking/hearing about sex. (I lived with awful roommates for a bit who wouldn’t shut up about it and it was hell. They also assumed I was a lesbian just bc I didn’t have a boyfriend yet?? As if there are only two options??)
-I never once cared about dating until I was in my early 20’s. And even then, I just happened to meet a guy who showed interest in me and it just kinda turned into a thing, sex included. It ended badly two years in, with him cheating on me, so thats great /s. But its been over 3 years and as far as I know, sex/dating is not really a thing I care about.
-I don’t want kids, and I’m terrified of pregnancy. I’m 100% cool with being a woman, but it fucks me up that I have such traitorous organs within. Even if I never had sex again, I want that shit removed.
-I’m pretty certain that I am only attracted to men. Like, I can find people objectively aesthetically pleasing regardless of gender. But no further thoughts besides “he/she/they are cute/pretty/etc.” occur til I get to know them. Usually, everyone just falls into the friend/potential friend bucket, but I can only picture myself even attempting a romantic relationship with a guy. (Which when I picture that, its just like cute couple stuff)
-I’m not worried about coming out as asexual. (or more likely, demisexual? Since I’m not against sex, there are just about a million other things that are more important and a whole lot of steps before I’d even consider it?) I don’t particularly care who knows it. I casually mentioned it to my best friend, and she and my family know I’m more than ok with being single, so its not like its a secret. I just thought this is how people were for the longest time lmao. What I do worry about is labelling myself as such and then finding out later it was all situational, or that I change my mind. Not that I think I would? But shit, I can imposter syndrome myself into believing I’m not even real.
-If you’ve made it this far, thank you for putting up with my rambling :)
submitted by thedoomdays to asexuality [link] [comments]


2020.10.19 04:18 veryweak_sauce Feeling stuck in a straight relationship

So I(19) have been dating my boyfriend(19) for over a year now. I have been questioning my sexuality for a few years and kinda just said to myself that I am bisexual. I haven't told anyone about my questioning since I want to be sure before I come out to anyone. Also, I have very religious parents that would not accept me.
After dating for a few months, I sort of realized that I am not attracted sexually to men. At first, I thought it was because I have a much lower sex drive than my boyfriend but I noticed that I was never in the mood to do anything. We have talked about our differences in libido and tried having me initiate when I felt a drive but it just doesn't happen. Honestly, I feel like I just force myself to get it over with so my boyfriend can have his fun. I read over the am i a lesbian master doc and kinda realized that I am a lesbian. I'm not 100% sure if I am a lesbian but I know that I am not attracted to men.
The thing is that my boyfriend thinks our relationship is perfect and doesn't see anything coming. I already broke it off like a month ago because I felt I needed to work on my mental issues but I freaked out because he kept thinking it was of something he did or said. So we got back together within a 12 hour span. I don't know what to do. At the moment, I am doing long distance and I don't want to hurt his feelings during the school semester. I'm not even sure if I am comfortable telling him that I'm a lesbian because I think he will blame himself.
submitted by veryweak_sauce to Actuallylesbian [link] [comments]


2020.10.18 19:51 SmallEfforts Moving past a self-inflicted heartbreak?

I need advice on moving past a heartbreak that I brought upon myself by being a shit person. I initially posted this to a LesbianActually thread but that won't get much traffic so might as well slap it here and see if anyone has sage wisdom to bestow upon my dumb, young ass. For context: I'm 21 and my ex is 24. Both females. LDR that was going beautifully and we made it work until a point bc I'm a selfish idiot.
I was in a LDR and it was going beyond fantastic until I started behaving like a beyond selfish, toxic cunt so then she broke it off... but we still remained amicable and eventually returned back to being friends, like how we initially were because she was able to look past the extreme tomfoolery activities I had done while we were dating.
Well, basically in the last month: even though we still had a mutual care for one another and wanted to stay in each others lives: I let myself turn into somebody who was no longer the same person that my ex had initially met (basically I turned into an insufferable asshole who didn't think anything through, which she 100% can not stand.) and after pushing her buttons too much with my insensitive and zero-thought out comments: she told me to go get bent and cut off all communication with me. Butttt my dumbass reacted horribly and basically went "wow, 10 months wasted just like that." and it turned into a bit of a spat between us because of me saying some dumbshit and her continuously putting me in my place and getting increasingly more angry.
Well. Yeah. Then yet again I continued being an irrevocable dumbass by texting her the next day and begging for her forgiveness but I was too emotional while writing that shit and just let it all flood out (yet again with no filter) and then by the time she even opened it I had realized I had fucked up once again beyond repair because I had wrote my apology in the most selfish manner possible and it was paragraphs all of me me me and I I I when really all it should have entailed was a to the point apology for the way I treated her, then wish her well and I'd be on my way out of her life without being any more of interference upon her than I already am and have been. To say it got very messy it an understatement. I ain't ever seen her so mad.
Anyways. So that's the backstory. Now it brings me to the present day of learning how to live without somebody that I spent 10 months spending more time thinking about throughout my day than anything else. I've already vowed to myself to never reach out to her ever again seeing as how she'd probably put my head on a stake if I did, and it'd only add more to the insane amount of pain that I've already caused her. It's not that I miss the relationship with her per se since I was content with being just friends with her even though I singlehandedly caused our shared past to be such a mess, but rather the knowledge that I have to live with the fact that I fucked up so irreversibly bad that I brought somebody I thought of as my best friend and the person who I trusted and cared for more than anyone I ever have in my life to decide to cease all communication with me because of the way I treated them that all boils down to me being selfish.
It's been almost a week since our last instance of communication and truthfully the only things that's been on my mind is wondering if she's okay, how's she doing, if that prof she doesn't like has given her marks back, how her classes are going, stuff like that... what's the latest tea her mom has to share. Like, I realize how stupid it is to start having this level of consideration for her and finally not being such a selfish cunt when it's all over already but I can't shake it. I want her to be doing okay and still healthy and Miss Rona free. But that information ain't my business anymore. I was a toxic asshole to her. And it's safe to assume that she is totally indifferent to me and the thought of me doesn't even cross her mind at all. Just erased me outta her life like she used the Men In Black pen; rightfully so.
I've already deleted all the photos and texts I had on my phone and laptop from her, deleted the folder I had been working on for months to plan to surprise visit her in 2021, deleted the playlists I made for her and unfollowed the ones she made for me. I even got rid of the pillow that I named after her because I would cuddle it every night to sleep with and imagine it was actually her and that she was with me in person instead of in another country 2000 miles away but even looking at it would make all the stupid shit I said and did to her when she deserved only the best treatment flood back. I blocked her on all social media but then I was like naaah that's a lil too petty so I unblocked her. At least it forced her to unfollow me I suppose. And I deleted her number, messages and our dm's so I have no way to even reach out to her anyways.
TL;DR: I was an awful partner, ex cut me off, now I'm sitting here hurt because of the pain I caused somebody I care about and regretting a long list of dumb shit I said and did. And I just want her to be okay and happy and safe. Time is probably the sole determining factor left to me help move on with my life .-. plus me learning how to not be a cunt to people
submitted by SmallEfforts to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.18 05:26 Gloomy-Fish8791 I think I might be a lesbian & need some advice.

I’m almost thirty and only now am beginning to suspect I may be a lesbian.
The idea of it terrifies me, not because of my family or where I live (both would be very accepting) - but because I have no idea how to proceed with this knowledge now that I have it. I’m also not 100% sure of it yet, which complicates things.
How do I begin to figure this out?
I think I’d like to try to find a lesbian relationship but the one thing I absolutely don’t want to do is just haphazardly switch preferences from ‘men’ to ‘women’ on my dating apps and then awkwardly blunder into new conversations without having things figured out. Hell, I’m not even sure about even basic terminology, if there is any? I don’t want to hurt/disappoint/offend/waste anyone’s time while I’m questioning things and I feel ridiculous for only now coming to confront myself about all of this.
I know this must seem like a very silly question but is there an established/widely accepted way to let any potentially dates know that I’m... well, not sure about things, or a newbie? Are there any guides or articles ect that have helped out others in a similar situation?
I really just have no idea where to start and advice would be very much appreciated.
submitted by Gloomy-Fish8791 to actuallesbians [link] [comments]


2020.10.18 00:19 CluelessW0nderer AITA for telling my gfs friend to stop making sexual jokes about my gf?

I have been dating my gf for almost two years now. Her best friend (let's call her B) of 15 years has became a close friend of mine too over the past few years. We all hang out a good amount. My gfs friends always talk together about how hot they are and what not. Well B likes to make these jokes quite frequently and in front of me. They consist of how she would have sex with my gf, make out with my gf, and date my gf if I wasn't in the picture. B is a lesbian, which I have known for the full 2 years of dating my gf, and I am a supporter of the lgbtq community (this becomes important later).
Well I got tired of these jokes after on FaceTime last night I can hear B in the back saying that they just made out. I texted my gf about it and told her that it makes me uncomfortable. She said she noticed these jokes but was impartial about it and that I should talk to B. So I texted her verbatim, "I know u joke a lot about making out w [gf] or having sex w her or stealing her from me and I know 100% it's a joke and u never would (and I trust u a lot and think ur a great friend) but it's said a lot and it kinda makes me uncomfortable and I just wanted to tell u how it makes me feel."
She did not receive this well, told me that I was being shitty and that if she was not a lesbian I would never have texted her because all their friends make these jokes (I personally have never heard them but I'll take her word for it). To this I responded that it had nothing to do with her sexual orientation and that these jokes just made me uncomfortable. She then said that I was being insecure and only upset because she's lesbian.
I then texted my gf upset that it did not go well and she started to get defensive, bringing up a time when she posted a video of her and B kissing (not making out, just a kiss peck on the mouth) on her Instagram and how I was not happy about it and how it made me uncomfy but how I don't say that about her other friends. I then told my gf that I was upset because I thought bringing this up to B would be productive and now I was just getting roasted by two people and she then claimed I was playing victim and that she was very irritated. My gf is telling me that I "have some stuff to work out"
AITA for not wanting my gfs friend to joke about her like that?
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2020.10.16 03:25 HelpMeImGarbage Sapphic Council; should I date my friend?

We’re both 17f and today, she texted me that she has a crush on me (and has for awhile). I told her I think I feel the same but I postponed the conversation bc I had a lot of homework and makeup work. I’m not 100% sure about how I feel for her. I’ve considered it, and I really like spending time with her because I feel like we understand each other more than my other friends do, but idk.
My only experience so far has been with one guy and that ended after the first official date bc he kissed me and I realized I’m a lesbian so I don’t have much of a clue here.
I think I should just be honest and say I’m not 100% certain about my feelings but there might be something there and I want to see if there’s more. I also wanna ask what she expects, I guess. Like, we’re in quarantine basically and she’s closeted (homophobic parents) so are we just planning on talking more and maybe hanging out (while socially distancing properly n stuff)?
Idk if I even need advice. I’m just nervous and excited and confused, y’know?
TL:DR Should I date my friend if I’m not 100% sure I like them romantically? Was it dumb of me to say I think I like her? Above all else; what the fuck even are relationships???? Help lol
submitted by HelpMeImGarbage to AskLesbians [link] [comments]


2020.10.15 22:30 willuska What Your Favorite Pedal Type Says About You

Fuzz: You either bought a Big Muff a few years ago and never looked back, or have a board composed of a dozen pedals that you made yourself from scratch.
Distortion: You are 15. You own either a Boss DS-1 or a Pro Co Rat. The drive knob is always, always cranked.
Overdrive: You are either a 40+ year old blues dad, or a lesbian, college-age indie player who is the best guitarist at her school for some reason.
Octave Fuzz: You somehow feel original calling Jimi Hendrix your biggest influence.
Volume: Laugh all you want, but you actually are fantastic at balancing your own sound within your band. You really know how to fit into a mix and serve the song. We need more guitarists like you, Volume Player.
Clean Boost: You own an Xotic EP Boost that is always on. You easily could’ve saved $100 and bought a Spark Mini.
Compressor: Your favorite food is steamed chicken. Your favorite drink is water. You drive a Toyota Corolla. You probably majored in business. Netflix is your best date idea. Do you see the point I’m trying to make here?
Noise Gate: If this is actually your favorite pedal, you probably play music that would make your grandpa shit his pants.
Chorus:
  1. You are a high schooler who just bought his first pedal. It was most definitely made by Boss, and you love it. You can’t wait to save up for a wide range of pedals capable of producing a whole range of versatile soundscapes for your 15w practice amp. You are pure.
  2. You are a shoegaze redditor who just came inside their Walrus Audio Julia.
Flanger: If you find someone who says that flanger is their favorite effect, please tell me so I can put something here.
Phaser: You own an MXR Phase 90 that you use once a week. There’s a 50% chance you don’t know what an effects loop is.
Tremolo: You are convinced that applying an amount of tremolo that is literally inaudible to the human ear is just what you need to find your true sound.
Vibe: You have done at least one psychedelic drug in your life.
Wah: You have used the same Crybaby for 15 years, and you’ll probably use it forever. You are dogshit at playing solos without it.
Reverb: You tell yourself you enjoy your life as a corporate bootlicker for your gigantic law firm. When you get time off from your 60 hour work week, you spend your life taking photos of your multi-thousand dollar, Strymon-filled rig. And yes, you did need that Big Sky. Reddit said so. Your wife is currently getting her back blown out by your best friend.
Looper: For some reason, your atonal symphonic djentcore blackened operatic prog jazz solo project just isn’t taking off. Maybe you just need another pedal to find your sound?
Delay: Your board has 3 delay pedals. One of these is either a Boss DD-7, an MXR Carbon Copy, or something that costs more than your car. You frequently enjoy giving handjobs to the Reverb player and talking about your mutual sexual attraction to Strymon’s choice of graphic design.
Acoustic Simulator: You eat glue.
EQ: There’s a decent chance that you are a professional musician who knows how to get the most out of his pedals. You could probably teach everyone else on this list some better way to get the most out of their rig.
Whammy: $240 to play the Killing In The Name solo? Right on, bro!
Octave: You’re hard to pin down. You could branch into several genres of music, and it's hard to say which one exactly you fall into. The important thing is that you think you’re some kind of innovative musical visionary for using this pedal. You could probably learn to take yourself less seriously in life.
Tuner: Wait… what? You're serious?
submitted by willuska to guitarpedalsjerk [link] [comments]


2020.10.15 20:16 UnaPreguntaPara2020 Has anyone experienced a close female friend becoming jealous of your girlfriend/wife?

I have a very close female friend - I'll call her Ashley- who I've known since childhood - we're in our late 30s now. I came out late in life and I have a girlfriend for the first time in my life and am truly happy. I rarely dated before that except for men here and there, and in essence, Ashley has told me she is not accustomed to "sharing me" with another woman. The other day she said that for the first time in our lives, there is another woman (my girlfriend) who I will love more and differently than her, and that I have a "new female best friend." It felt super intense and overwhelming, and like my friend is quantifying my love for her versus my girlfriend. Ashley has always been the needier of the two of us since childhood, so this is compounding an already existing dynamic in our friendship.
I feel like a little jealousy of someone's new relationship is normal, and I get it. But I feel like Ashley friend has a fundamental misunderstanding of my lesbian relationships- My girlfriend is NOT my new female best friend, and the roles that my platonic women friends fill in my life and the role my girlfriend plays in my life are SO different emotionally. I have tried to explain this to her but she insists that when she is in monogamous and committed relationships with men, she considers them one of her best friends, and she cant seem to get it through her head that just because there is a primary female romantic partner in my life, it doesn't mean she's being replaced.
Has anyone else been through something similar?
Edit: Some folks have been suggesting Ashley is a closeted lesbian. While I understand the sentiment, Ashley is 100% straight.
submitted by UnaPreguntaPara2020 to actuallesbians [link] [comments]


2020.10.15 04:30 larkinpoewannabe Not sure if I should call myself gay, lesbian, or bi...

Okay, so I [18F] realized a week ago that I like girls. And then a buuunch of stuff started clicking for me that should’ve made it obvious that I was into girls. (I didn’t want to be phoebe buffay, I wanted to date her)
So I would say that right now I’m 95% into girls and 5% into guys. But I don’t know if that 5% is just Compulsory heterosexuality or not. I’ve definitely had crushes on guys before, but the one time I dated a guy, I realized almost instantly into that relationship that I only thought of him as a friend even though I’d had a crush on him.
I also feel weird about the term “lesbian” I think because a lot of people fetishize that word. I feel fake saying I’m bi because I’m not sure if I like guys or if I convinced myself I liked guys when I actually don’t. Can I just say I’m gay, or is that not okay because I’m not 100% only into girls right now?
Sorry if this is a dumb question, I’m completely new to all of this. (But I finally told three girls on my XC team who are all also in the lgbtq+ community and they all were so supportive and I really understand now why having a supportive community for lgbtq+ people is important because I finally felt like I could say everything I was thinking without judgement)
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2020.10.14 09:10 babisaurusREX A Happy Queer Moment (There is hope!)

Some context: I work in a restaurant in a very conservative area. Most of our patrons are older baby boomers who roll up in Range Rovers or Mercedes and pay with Amex. Think white, straight, and MAGA hats.
My mental state: I just came out to my bf last night and I’m having 100 emotions at once and I’m in my head at work tonight. I’m wondering if I messed up and should go back to “hiding” in a hetero relationship because there’s probably no cute vegan (I’m vegan and I want a vegan gf 😂) femmes out there and this is all crazy and I’m insane and —- two guests walk in. AND THEY ARE CLEARLY 2 LESBIANS ON A DATE!!! (Don’t ask me how I know. You know how I know.)
screams in gay this has never happened EVER in this restaurant. I have not seen a queer soul in that establishment since I started working there.
I took them to their table. Got their drinks. And of course I’m like trying to talk myself out of the fact that this is a queer date because self doubt. But then when one of them went to the bathroom, the other told me her date had a sesame allergy and is vegan so please inform the chef.
I. NEARLY. DIED.
They probably thought I was high or just a fucking weirdo because I was all giggly and shit. I actually dropped this poor girl’s spoon into her ramen and by the time it hit the table it was floating and I heard them laugh as I walked away. Whatever it’s a sign !!
So I just wanted to share with everyone here who is still in the closet or is scared of dating (myself included) that we’re out there!! Have hope!!
submitted by babisaurusREX to latebloomerlesbians [link] [comments]


2020.10.13 23:50 ThrowAway5934587 My story I guess

So a pretty long post coming up. There is going to be a TLDR at the end if you're not willing to read all of it and I would not blame you if you could not read everything.
PS English is my third language so sorry about any typos and mistakes
Ok so anyway here is the situation at the time. I was 13 or 14 year old teenager living in Croatia at the time (can't remember exactly how old was i) and my living situation with my actual mom and step dad is reaching a boiling point because of my moms constant schizophrenic episodes caused by drugs which at the time I of course didn't understand. At the same time my dad has been released from prison after about a 4 year sentence and was working construction in Germany to earn money legitimately after his criminal past and at the same time he was working on getting a family again after shit went south with my mom. So after that my current step mom moved in to our old house with two children of her own. Some time passed and I started more and more going to my step mom and not being home. So at this point I'm 100% sure I'm 14 at least and its been a couple of months since I've started going there a lot. She also had a lot of family and all of this is all about her one niece which was 17 or 19 at the time. Lets just call her A. So then A had problems at her own home with her parent's and after some big fight she asked if she could live in our house until she gets on her feet. I didn't know anything about that. And for anyone to understand my mental state at the time you're going to need some context. I had a couple of friend but nothing huge and at time all I wanted was to just have a relationship with a female. And I mean that shit was on my mind 24/7. So one day I come to the house and some random red haired woman is sitting there and I remember that situation like it was yesterday. I came in and just greeted everyone and sat down to watch tv. And as I was sitting A tells me something in a sense why are you just silent and not speaking anything. Naturally I was shitting my pants since she was older and beautiful and there I was just a insecure teenager which is scared shitless of even talking to her. And then maybe like 30 minutes or a hour later my step mom says that she needs to go to the store to buy something. And after she went A just couldn't shut up. She went on and on just talking mostly about herself which if I was older would be a automatic red flag to stay away but as a teenager that wanted anyone no matter what I just could not see anything beyond how I was infatuated with her looks. Now I'm going to skip some not that important parts since this is already going to be long enough. Some time (2-3 of months) passed and we became really close friends. LET ME JUST REMIND YOU I WAS 14 BEING CLOSE WITH A 17 YEAR OLD AT THE TIME which is just insane in itself. So then one day A needed to go to her old place to take some stuff she didn't take before and she asked me if I want to go as well. I of course said yes. As we took that stuff and brought it back home that day when I was walking home at somewhere around midnight I realized I feel something I never felt before. Not just falling in love in someone as a kid but really loving someone. You might say there is no way a 14 year old can love someone but trust me its going to make much more sense later. So yeah some time passes and I unofficially moved in with my step mom while my dad was working. And since I was sleeping there at that point there was little space where everyone can sleep. So quite literally the first night I was there I slept on a couch which was pulled out I guess that's how you say it so that two people could sleep there and A was sleeping on a two-story bed and she comes and asks me if she could sleep with me on that bed since she said and i quote "she was always hitting her head on the wall" when she was sleeping on that two story bed. And then for a good year I slept with her on that couch. Oh and I also forgot to mention that A was bi but leaning more on a lesbian side and also a liar and a manipulator. So in the mean time she talks to me about everything with me. And by everything I mean EVERYTHING including relationship's and her sex life and in heavy detail. And then couple of nights later I woke up very early in the morning and I see her head leaning on my shoulder and her holding my hand and I pretty much melted. I mean what else can you expect. Nobody at the time warned me that what was happening was just not normal. And then one day we wake up and we're drinking coffee and she says to me that during the night she got woken up by me hugging her. Ps me hugging her was not intentional since at that time I didn't want anyone to know that I was I love with her but I mean that shit was obvious from like 10 miles away whether I wanted it or not. Couple of months pass and nothing of note happened. At this point I believe I could be 15 and she is 18 for sure. Then one night A went out on a party and I was sick so I stayed home and it was just my step mom and I and her kids and she comes up to me and tells me that she thinks that A is in love with me and she asks me if it's possible that I'm in love with her too. I naturally said no way but as the conversation went on I admitted and it was mostly since I knew that you have to be blind not to see that. Then she told me that it's possible that she can speak to her and see if it's true but in a inconspicuous way so that she never knew about that conversation. Couple of weeks pass and I just kept asking and asking if she spoke with her about that and then around 7 in the morning I ask her in a message if she spoke with her (at this point I was at my mom's house) and she said that she has. Naturally I was very nervous and just could not wait to see what she said. She then told me that she spoke about that with A and she said that it's absolutely not that and that I should forget all about it and that she doesn't look at me that way and A told her that she looks at me as a brother and nothing more. That completely broke me apart and I also think that that moment determined the next 3-4 years of my life. I think I'll never forget that day. At that moment I started crying like someone was holding a gun to my head. Then I got my shit together and I went to school and that day I wasn't acting like myself at all. People left right and center were asking me what is wrong with me and I didn't say anything since at that time I was ashamed at myself for expecting anything. Couple of weeks pass and I didn't have any contact with anyone outside of school. That was because my mom didn't let me to go to my dad's house at all. That was my first sign of heavy depression but never actually diagnosed since neither my mom nor my dad believed in depression and their motto was to just get over it. But I also can't blame that on them since they grew up in just awful conditions so I can see where they were coming from. During those couple of weeks I learned how to cope with all the negativity and sadness that I was up to my throat in. I could not find the way to be happy again so in those couple of weeks my school grades and behavior started to fall apart and I played a lot of video games and watched a lot of movies. The one particular movie that I watched is Straight Outta Compton. I heard some songs from the rap group NWA but never cared about them or rap in general until I watched one scene from that movie. For anyone that does not know that scene it was a scene where the group played Fuck the police on a concert after they were told that they are not allowed to play that song. Nevertheless they played it and the way that scene was shot and just with the emotion the actors were reciting words from that song made me inspired and motivated to say fuck everyone and everything and to just simply put the responsibility and choices of my life on everyone and nothing on me. At that point I started to get heavy into rap (mainly love songs eg. love the way you lie from Eminem etc etc.) and some motivational rap songs here and there. So some time passes and I wanted to see A and I asked if I could go to my dad's house to stay there for a bit and she surprisingly said yes and also that day I called in sick in school since I didn't hear the alarm and I woke up too late. So then in the morning around 9-10 pm I went to my step mom and stayed there for quite some time (weeks not hours or days) (yeah I know I was a idiot that didn't care about anything other than A). I remember coming to the house and after couple of hours A asks me if I want to go the the store with her to talk to her about something. I was scared shitless if she found out about that conversation. And it turned out it was not about that it was about her asking me what is wrong with me and why have I been lowkey pushing her away ever since I came there. I of course lied and just avoided that topic completely and I was just playing ignorant. Even though at the time I felt better since I was with her again. But at the time I did have some dislike at her because in my head at the time was that it's her fault that I was the way felt the way I have. Anyway we come home and for some time nothing big happened. So one day I remember sitting on the couch being on my phone and A tells me that she needs to asks me something but she can't ask me face to face for some reason. And I tell her I'll go on a computer and we we can talk over Facebook (yeah I know I was weirded out too). And she sends me a text and asks me if I'm love with her. I naturally said I wasn't and that I don't know where did she get that idea from. And when I came back into the living room she all of the sudden hugged me. Words cannot explain how confused I was at that moment in a sense of like what am I supposed to thing now. On the one hand she multiple times said that she's not I love with me but on the other hand why did she hug me for no particular reason. Then the next month or so became very very weird. So then one day or night in particular we were bored so she asked me if I was willing to go take a walk with her I (of course) said yeah and when we came outside she began acting like a literal kid. There was a small bench next to a tennis court that was about 3 minutes away and then all of the sudden she says let's race to that bench and as we came there we sat and we were talking and since i had a jacket and she didn't she said she was cold and I asked her if she wants my jacket and then she sat in my lap and i asked her something in a sense what are you doing she said that she would warm up that way and we kept on talking and a minute later she asked me in joking sense are you horny right now lol. Keep in the fucking mind she was 18 and I was 15. And a minute later we went back home and that was it. Some time later (I cant remember how long, but I'm sure it was days or weeks) we were packing up to go in the bed and we layed down and we were talking normally and then I saw that she was acting a bit strange so I asked her what's up since she was not acting sad or anything just different from usual and she tells me that she has to say something to me and I said to her to say if she wants to. Keep in mind that all the time lately that she physically was a bit too close to me (more than usual). And she said that a lot of the time lately she has felt the need to kiss and I asked her how so and she said that she doesn't know why she just felt like that and then she asked me if I was in love with her again I said that I was not and she just laughed it off and said for me to be honest to her. I felt like I was put in a corner and that there is no point more running and not saying that I'm love with her so I said that yes I was and I just told her everything. Unfortunately I cant remember what happened after that since it was it feels like a century ago but its one of those moments that just got engraved in my head. And again some time passes and I don't know how long but it cant be longer than month or so. She was in a way just kind of down that day. She had a situation where she was between two people and she couldn't know who to chose. I mean in a relationship's sense. So late at in the night we were sitting and drinking a beer and as we stood up to go and do something or go somewhere cant remember what exactly and she says she's so lucky to have me and almost kisses me. She put her hand on my face and just looked at me for a solid 20-30 seconds or so and I genuinely thought that she was going to kiss me but then she let go. Again can't remember what happened after that exactly. And as all of that is happening situation with my mom is going to shit more and more and it came so far that my step mom agreed to legally sue my mum (which I agreed to) for using drugs in a minor's presence and not being able to raise a child in that environment (at this point it may seem like my mom was a victim in all of this but trust me she was just not normal at the time, regularly I would find drugs in the bathroom, to her trying to punch me to constant everyday fighting with my step dad and me to us literally now having money to buy food to breaking stuff all the time to straight for a week not being able to do anything because of her not having the money for drugs etc etc.). So in the mean time I was so stressed (the thing with A getting worse over time, my mental state being awful and not knowing if I'm going to have to go back and live with my mum)about everything that I began just attacking everyone who even said anything I didn't like to hear. So at this point A is starting to dislike me more and more because of how I'm acting (understandable) and me feeling like a biggest piece of shit in the world and me just not wanting to go back to my mum's place since it's a disaster there. So me and my step mom agreed to go to the social center (don't know how to call it in English) for to to try to get custody of me. The day we went there to see what can be done is literally the worst day of my life. When we came there the social worker told us that nothing can be done unless my dad comes. When we came out of there after being told that I literally had a mental breakdown. When me and my step mom came home A just kept ignoring me (trust me she was really petty). And for the next hour or so I just sat in silence and listened to music. Then A and my step mom told me they were going to her family and before they left my step mom told me to trust her that everything's going to be alright and when they left i sat and i must've cried like a baby for a good 30 minutes or so and when I got up do go to the toilet to wash my face i hit the wall so hard that my fist began bleeding hard and to this day I still have the scar of that on my right fist. Later when they came back after a couple of hours or so they said that they have a idea to go to the police to see what can be done and when they did they said the same thing that the social worker said. That nothing can be done currently. I just felt like that was it, like there was no point more living. I was just sick of everything. I took my phone and turned it off completely so that no one can reach me. I went out at around 4 pm and I must've walked through the entire city just thinking about everything and when I was walking next to a small train station I remember seriously thinking about just jumping in front of a train to end it all. Thank shit I was just thinking about that and that I didn't really do it. So when I came home (to my stepmom's place) I turned on my phone and I was shocked. Everyone from my dad that was in Germany at that time to everyone from my mom's side of the family to my aunt that was working in Switzerland tried contacting me in any way possible. Numerus missed calls and messages. Some were comforting me, some were being angry at me for not answering. Quite literally the worst day of my life. So that night I had to go back to my mum and when I came back that's when the real depression hit me. I was sick of being with my mum, I haven't talked to A in quite some time and then what followed was the most awful couple weeks that can come. I remember after all that just being as miserable as a person can get. Eating all the time like I was going to die tomorrow, spending the entire days (it was summer time) either laying in my bed listening to music or going on long walks late at night, either sleeping the entire day or just not sleeping at all but then after a while I get a message from A asking me if I would like to meet up in secret so that my mom doesn't find out. I gladly agreed since I still loved her to hell and back. Like I mean she was still most of the reason why I was so depressed. Cut short to us walking to a coffee and I told her everything about how I've been lately and I felt like she was just disconnected the entire time. I didn't want to ask her anything about that since I haven't talked to her in so long and I didn't want to fuck that up. Then some time ahead I didn't see A for quite some time and I'm at the end of last class of primary school and I had a lot of grades to correct for me to pass the class so I had to study day in day out. At this point I'm better mentally but still A is on my mind always and I still could not stop thinking about all the better times we had with. I missed her a lot. Cut some time ahead I'm still not done with the primary school and again I went to my dads house for some time since the situation has relaxed. And when I get there A is never at home. She was always somewhere out and in like a month or so that I'm there I must've seen her like two times when she came back just to take something and then one day my step mom told me that she is moving out and going to live with her mom. Which didn't shock me but it still hurt like hell. So then again some time passes and its like the last month of the primary school and at this point I'm quite a lot better. I mean I'm still not the same person I was before but I was getting there. Then one day I went to my dad's house to take something for my pc from the basement and A was there. I pretty much froze in place and yeah we pretty much talked in general how I've been doing and how she was doing etc etc. Then when I went home somewhere around 11 pm and she said that we can go together since were going the same way. Then as we talked I mentioned that id kill for some ice cream now and she said that she has ice cream at her place (she wasn't living with her mom anymore, she was living now in the flat of her boyfriend that she was now dating, he was working in Germany at the time) and we went there and I stayed there up until 3 am and that was the last time we ever talked and seen each other. Stuff happened non relevant to this post, time went by and at this point I'm officially living with my step mom. For a year or so I've been living in that house and during all that time I again fell into a complete depression since over there. Day in day out I was always looking at things that reminded me of her eg. the couch we slept on, the rooms in general, the backyard in which we've spent time together and that was slowly opening the wound again and with couple of months that I've been living there I've been a disaster again, by that point I was going to the middle school and over there I was a disaster eg. not sleeping for 2 days straight and not showering for a good couple of days and going like that in school, eating a lot again, starting smoking cigarettes but by the time I've moved to Germany I've stopped smoking, constantly fighting with everyone in the house etc. At that point with my mental behavior I've lost all friends I've had, hating myself, etc etc the story you've heard million times and then some. And all of that just because I've been losing my mind by constantly being reminded of her by that fucking house. And I've been living like that for a good year and a half until me, my step mom and my step brothers moved with my dad in Germany. We have been living here for about two and a half years now and I think that that us moving here has saved my life and made me a normal functioning member of this society. At first when I was here I was bad as well here but when I have realized that I escaped that past life and that I'm only being irrational by acting like that and that I'm wasting a literally life changing opportunity just to dwell on the past. And while yes I'm in a 90% better state since and improved as a person by a a lot there are still two things still bothering me and those two things are the entire reason I'm writing this fucking book. That is that I have female friend and a lot of them are very attractive and good looking I still cant I guess fall in love with anyone. Like I mean no matter how much time is spend with them it just cant do it. I mean I'm about to turn 18 now and I still haven't fallen in love with anyone other than A nor been in a actual normal relationship with someone my age and I'm just worried I don't stay that way my entire life. I don't know like in the terms of dating etc. I'm afraid I'm scarred for life. I've had at least two good and respectable female friends with which I could've ended up in a relationship if I pushed just a bit but no I'm just no able to fall in love with anyone. That's what I meant when I said that I 100% loved her. It's because I just feel like can't fall in love with anyone anymore. What I want is just some closure, just a talk now that I'm not a child anymore so that this time we can talk like a person to a person. Like I don't care about hearing from her or talking to her every day and none of those things just talk to her. What I fear is that she still has a opinion about me being a child that was desperate for love. That is not who I am anymore. As I've said already currently the thing is that I just need closure to be able to 100% move on and that's the thing I have not been able to do. And the other thing was that all of this that I've wrote I've kept to myself and I cant talk about it with anyone since I don't want anyone to know of my old life here. I cant talk about it with my parents since in their eyes its going to be like I'm just complaining. So I just wanted to put this out there, somewhere since maybe that can help me to just forget it like it never happened. Just so that all of this is not just kept within me. Aaand now that I've written all of this I want to apologize for this being so long and I have also not gone in detail of everything. That all was just the big things that are in my head that I just cant shake off 100%.
So thanks for coming to my TED talk I guess haha and if anyone has made it this far good job give yourself a pat on the back you deserve it lol
Also throwaway account since I have two friends that use reddit and that know my actual account.
TLDR
When I was a 14 year I fell in love with a 17 year old which is not quite all there and I have way too many issues moving on with. Possible trauma.
submitted by ThrowAway5934587 to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.10.13 23:13 ThrowAway5934587 My story I guess

So a pretty long post coming up. There is going to be a TLDR at the end if you're not willing to read all of it and I would not blame you if you could not read everything.
PS English is my third language so sorry about any typos and mistakes

Ok so anyway here is the situation at the time. I was 13 or 14 year old teenager living in Croatia at the time (can't remember exactly how old was i) and my living situation with my actual mom and step dad is reaching a boiling point because of my moms constant schizophrenic episodes caused by drugs which at the time I of course didn't understand. At the same time my dad has been released from prison after about a 4 year sentence and was working construction in Germany to earn money legitimately after his criminal past and at the same time he was working on getting a family again after shit went south with my mom. So after that my current step mom moved in to our old house with two children of her own. Some time passed and I started more and more going to my step mom and not being home. So at this point I'm 100% sure I'm 14 at least and its been a couple of months since I've started going there a lot. She also had a lot of family and all of this is all about her one niece which was 17 or 19 at the time. Lets just call her A. So then A had problems at her own home with her parent's and after some big fight she asked if she could live in our house until she gets on her feet. I didn't know anything about that. And for anyone to understand my mental state at the time you're going to need some context. I had a couple of friend but nothing huge and at time all I wanted was to just have a relationship with a female. And I mean that shit was on my mind 24/7. So one day I come to the house and some random red haired woman is sitting there and I remember that situation like it was yesterday. I came in and just greeted everyone and sat down to watch tv. And as I was sitting A tells me something in a sense why are you just silent and not speaking anything. Naturally I was shitting my pants since she was older and beautiful and there I was just a insecure teenager which is scared shitless of even talking to her. And then maybe like 30 minutes or a hour later my step mom says that she needs to go to the store to buy something. And after she went A just couldn't shut up. She went on and on just talking mostly about herself which if I was older would be a automatic red flag to stay away but as a teenager that wanted anyone no matter what I just could not see anything beyond how I was infatuated with her looks. Now I'm going to skip some not that important parts since this is already going to be long enough. Some time (2-3 of months) passed and we became really close friends. LET ME JUST REMIND YOU I WAS 14 BEING CLOSE WITH A 17 YEAR OLD AT THE TIME which is just insane in itself. So then one day A needed to go to her old place to take some stuff she didn't take before and she asked me if I want to go as well. I of course said yes. As we took that stuff and brought it back home that day when I was walking home at somewhere around midnight I realized I feel something I never felt before. Not just falling in love in someone as a kid but really loving someone. You might say there is no way a 14 year old can love someone but trust me its going to make much more sense later. So yeah some time passes and I unofficially moved in with my step mom while my dad was working. And since I was sleeping there at that point there was little space where everyone can sleep. So quite literally the first night I was there I slept on a couch which was pulled out I guess that's how you say it so that two people could sleep there and A was sleeping on a two-story bed and she comes and asks me if she could sleep with me on that bed since she said and i quote "she was always hitting her head on the wall" when she was sleeping on that two story bed. And then for a good year I slept with her on that couch. Oh and I also forgot to mention that A was bi but leaning more on a lesbian side and also a liar and a manipulator. So in the mean time she talks to me about everything with me. And by everything I mean EVERYTHING including relationship's and her sex life and in heavy detail. And then couple of nights later I woke up very early in the morning and I see her head leaning on my shoulder and her holding my hand and I pretty much melted. I mean what else can you expect. Nobody at the time warned me that what was happening was just not normal. And then one day we wake up and we're drinking coffee and she says to me that during the night she got woken up by me hugging her. Ps me hugging her was not intentional since at that time I didn't want anyone to know that I was I love with her but I mean that shit was obvious from like 10 miles away whether I wanted it or not. Couple of months pass and nothing of note happened. At this point I believe I could be 15 and she is 18 for sure. Then one night A went out on a party and I was sick so I stayed home and it was just my step mom and I and her kids and she comes up to me and tells me that she thinks that A is in love with me and she asks me if it's possible that I'm in love with her too. I naturally said no way but as the conversation went on I admitted and it was mostly since I knew that you have to be blind not to see that. Then she told me that it's possible that she can speak to her and see if it's true but in a inconspicuous way so that she never knew about that conversation. Couple of weeks pass and I just kept asking and asking if she spoke with her about that and then around 7 in the morning I ask her in a message if she spoke with her (at this point I was at my mom's house) and she said that she has. Naturally I was very nervous and just could not wait to see what she said. She then told me that she spoke about that with A and she said that it's absolutely not that and that I should forget all about it and that she doesn't look at me that way and A told her that she looks at me as a brother and nothing more. That completely broke me apart and I also think that that moment determined the next 3-4 years of my life. I think I'll never forget that day. At that moment I started crying like someone was holding a gun to my head. Then I got my shit together and I went to school and that day I wasn't acting like myself at all. People left right and center were asking me what is wrong with me and I didn't say anything since at that time I was ashamed at myself for expecting anything. Couple of weeks pass and I didn't have any contact with anyone outside of school. That was because my mom didn't let me to go to my dad's house at all. That was my first sign of heavy depression but never actually diagnosed since neither my mom nor my dad believed in depression and their motto was to just get over it. But I also can't blame that on them since they grew up in just awful conditions so I can see where they were coming from. During those couple of weeks I learned how to cope with all the negativity and sadness that I was up to my throat in. I could not find the way to be happy again so in those couple of weeks my school grades and behavior started to fall apart and I played a lot of video games and watched a lot of movies. The one particular movie that I watched is Straight Outta Compton. I heard some songs from the rap group NWA but never cared about them or rap in general until I watched one scene from that movie. For anyone that does not know that scene it was a scene where the group played Fuck the police on a concert after they were told that they are not allowed to play that song. Nevertheless they played it and the way that scene was shot and just with the emotion the actors were reciting words from that song made me inspired and motivated to say fuck everyone and everything and to just simply put the responsibility and choices of my life on everyone and nothing on me. At that point I started to get heavy into rap (mainly love songs eg. love the way you lie from Eminem etc etc.) and some motivational rap songs here and there. So some time passes and I wanted to see A and I asked if I could go to my dad's house to stay there for a bit and she surprisingly said yes and also that day I called in sick in school since I didn't hear the alarm and I woke up too late. So then in the morning around 9-10 pm I went to my step mom and stayed there for quite some time (weeks not hours or days) (yeah I know I was a idiot that didn't care about anything other than A). I remember coming to the house and after couple of hours A asks me if I want to go the the store with her to talk to her about something. I was scared shitless if she found out about that conversation. And it turned out it was not about that it was about her asking me what is wrong with me and why have I been lowkey pushing her away ever since I came there. I of course lied and just avoided that topic completely and I was just playing ignorant. Even though at the time I felt better since I was with her again. But at the time I did have some dislike at her because in my head at the time was that it's her fault that I was the way felt the way I have. Anyway we come home and for some time nothing big happened. So one day I remember sitting on the couch being on my phone and A tells me that she needs to asks me something but she can't ask me face to face for some reason. And I tell her I'll go on a computer and we we can talk over Facebook (yeah I know I was weirded out too). And she sends me a text and asks me if I'm love with her. I naturally said I wasn't and that I don't know where did she get that idea from. And when I came back into the living room she all of the sudden hugged me. Words cannot explain how confused I was at that moment in a sense of like what am I supposed to thing now. On the one hand she multiple times said that she's not I love with me but on the other hand why did she hug me for no particular reason. Then the next month or so became very very weird. So then one day or night in particular we were bored so she asked me if I was willing to go take a walk with her I (of course) said yeah and when we came outside she began acting like a literal kid. There was a small bench next to a tennis court that was about 3 minutes away and then all of the sudden she says let's race to that bench and as we came there we sat and we were talking and since i had a jacket and she didn't she said she was cold and I asked her if she wants my jacket and then she sat in my lap and i asked her something in a sense what are you doing she said that she would warm up that way and we kept on talking and a minute later she asked me in joking sense are you horny right now lol. Keep in the fucking mind she was 18 and I was 15. And a minute later we went back home and that was it. Some time later (I cant remember how long, but I'm sure it was days or weeks) we were packing up to go in the bed and we layed down and we were talking normally and then I saw that she was acting a bit strange so I asked her what's up since she was not acting sad or anything just different from usual and she tells me that she has to say something to me and I said to her to say if she wants to. Keep in mind that all the time lately that she physically was a bit too close to me (more than usual). And she said that a lot of the time lately she has felt the need to kiss and I asked her how so and she said that she doesn't know why she just felt like that and then she asked me if I was in love with her again I said that I was not and she just laughed it off and said for me to be honest to her. I felt like I was put in a corner and that there is no point more running and not saying that I'm love with her so I said that yes I was and I just told her everything. Unfortunately I cant remember what happened after that since it was it feels like a century ago but its one of those moments that just got engraved in my head. And again some time passes and I don't know how long but it cant be longer than month or so. She was in a way just kind of down that day. She had a situation where she was between two people and she couldn't know who to chose. I mean in a relationship's sense. So late at in the night we were sitting and drinking a beer and as we stood up to go and do something or go somewhere cant remember what exactly and she says she's so lucky to have me and almost kisses me. She put her hand on my face and just looked at me for a solid 20-30 seconds or so and I genuinely thought that she was going to kiss me but then she let go. Again can't remember what happened after that exactly. And as all of that is happening situation with my mom is going to shit more and more and it came so far that my step mom agreed to legally sue my mum (which I agreed to) for using drugs in a minor's presence and not being able to raise a child in that environment (at this point it may seem like my mom was a victim in all of this but trust me she was just not normal at the time, regularly I would find drugs in the bathroom, to her trying to punch me to constant everyday fighting with my step dad and me to us literally now having money to buy food to breaking stuff all the time to straight for a week not being able to do anything because of her not having the money for drugs etc etc.). So in the mean time I was so stressed (the thing with A getting worse over time, my mental state being awful and not knowing if I'm going to have to go back and live with my mum)about everything that I began just attacking everyone who even said anything I didn't like to hear. So at this point A is starting to dislike me more and more because of how I'm acting (understandable) and me feeling like a biggest piece of shit in the world and me just not wanting to go back to my mum's place since it's a disaster there. So me and my step mom agreed to go to the social center (don't know how to call it in English) for to to try to get custody of me. The day we went there to see what can be done is literally the worst day of my life. When we came there the social worker told us that nothing can be done unless my dad comes. When we came out of there after being told that I literally had a mental breakdown. When me and my step mom came home A just kept ignoring me (trust me she was really petty). And for the next hour or so I just sat in silence and listened to music. Then A and my step mom told me they were going to her family and before they left my step mom told me to trust her that everything's going to be alright and when they left i sat and i must've cried like a baby for a good 30 minutes or so and when I got up do go to the toilet to wash my face i hit the wall so hard that my fist began bleeding hard and to this day I still have the scar of that on my right fist. Later when they came back after a couple of hours or so they said that they have a idea to go to the police to see what can be done and when they did they said the same thing that the social worker said. That nothing can be done currently. I just felt like that was it, like there was no point more living. I was just sick of everything. I took my phone and turned it off completely so that no one can reach me. I went out at around 4 pm and I must've walked through the entire city just thinking about everything and when I was walking next to a small train station I remember seriously thinking about just jumping in front of a train to end it all. Thank shit I was just thinking about that and that I didn't really do it. So when I came home (to my stepmom's place) I turned on my phone and I was shocked. Everyone from my dad that was in Germany at that time to everyone from my mom's side of the family to my aunt that was working in Switzerland tried contacting me in any way possible. Numerus missed calls and messages. Some were comforting me, some were being angry at me for not answering. Quite literally the worst day of my life. So that night I had to go back to my mum and when I came back that's when the real depression hit me. I was sick of being with my mum, I haven't talked to A in quite some time and then what followed was the most awful couple weeks that can come. I remember after all that just being as miserable as a person can get. Eating all the time like I was going to die tomorrow, spending the entire days (it was summer time) either laying in my bed listening to music or going on long walks late at night, either sleeping the entire day or just not sleeping at all but then after a while I get a message from A asking me if I would like to meet up in secret so that my mom doesn't find out. I gladly agreed since I still loved her to hell and back. Like I mean she was still most of the reason why I was so depressed. Cut short to us walking to a coffee and I told her everything about how I've been lately and I felt like she was just disconnected the entire time. I didn't want to ask her anything about that since I haven't talked to her in so long and I didn't want to fuck that up. Then some time ahead I didn't see A for quite some time and I'm at the end of last class of primary school and I had a lot of grades to correct for me to pass the class so I had to study day in day out. At this point I'm better mentally but still A is on my mind always and I still could not stop thinking about all the better times we had with. I missed her a lot. Cut some time ahead I'm still not done with the primary school and again I went to my dads house for some time since the situation has relaxed. And when I get there A is never at home. She was always somewhere out and in like a month or so that I'm there I must've seen her like two times when she came back just to take something and then one day my step mom told me that she is moving out and going to live with her mom. Which didn't shock me but it still hurt like hell. So then again some time passes and its like the last month of the primary school and at this point I'm quite a lot better. I mean I'm still not the same person I was before but I was getting there. Then one day I went to my dad's house to take something for my pc from the basement and A was there. I pretty much froze in place and yeah we pretty much talked in general how I've been doing and how she was doing etc etc. Then when I went home somewhere around 11 pm and she said that we can go together since were going the same way. Then as we talked I mentioned that id kill for some ice cream now and she said that she has ice cream at her place (she wasn't living with her mom anymore, she was living now in the flat of her boyfriend that she was now dating, he was working in Germany at the time) and we went there and I stayed there up until 3 am and that was the last time we ever talked and seen each other. Stuff happened non relevant to this post, time went by and at this point I'm officially living with my step mom. For a year or so I've been living in that house and during all that time I again fell into a complete depression since over there. Day in day out I was always looking at things that reminded me of her eg. the couch we slept on, the rooms in general, the backyard in which we've spent time together and that was slowly opening the wound again and with couple of months that I've been living there I've been a disaster again, by that point I was going to the middle school and over there I was a disaster eg. not sleeping for 2 days straight and not showering for a good couple of days and going like that in school, eating a lot again, starting smoking cigarettes but by the time I've moved to Germany I've stopped smoking, constantly fighting with everyone in the house etc. At that point with my mental behavior I've lost all friends I've had, hating myself, etc etc the story you've heard million times and then some. And all of that just because I've been losing my mind by constantly being reminded of her by that fucking house. And I've been living like that for a good year and a half until me, my step mom and my step brothers moved with my dad in Germany. We have been living here for about two and a half years now and I think that that us moving here has saved my life and made me a normal functioning member of this society. At first when I was here I was bad as well here but when I have realized that I escaped that past life and that I'm only being irrational by acting like that and that I'm wasting a literally life changing opportunity just to dwell on the past. And while yes I'm in a 90% better state since and improved as a person by a a lot there are still two things still bothering me and those two things are the entire reason I'm writing this fucking book. That is that I have female friend and a lot of them are very attractive and good looking I still cant I guess fall in love with anyone. Like I mean no matter how much time is spend with them it just cant do it. I mean I'm about to turn 18 now and I still haven't fallen in love with anyone other than A nor been in a actual normal relationship with someone my age and I'm just worried I don't stay that way my entire life. I don't know like in the terms of dating etc. I'm afraid I'm scarred for life. I've had at least two good and respectable female friends with which I could've ended up in a relationship if I pushed just a bit but no I'm just no able to fall in love with anyone. That's what I meant when I said that I 100% loved her. It's because I just feel like can't fall in love with anyone anymore. What I want is just some closure, just a talk now that I'm not a child anymore so that this time we can talk like a person to a person. Like I don't care about hearing from her or talking to her every day and none of those things just talk to her. What I fear is that she still has a opinion about me being a child that was desperate for love. That is not who I am anymore. As I've said already currently the thing is that I just need closure to be able to 100% move on and that's the thing I have not been able to do. And the other thing was that all of this that I've wrote I've kept to myself and I cant talk about it with anyone since I don't want anyone to know of my old life here. I cant talk about it with my parents since in their eyes its going to be like I'm just complaining. So I just wanted to put this out there, somewhere since maybe that can help me to just forget it like it never happened. Just so that all of this is not just kept within me. Aaand now that I've written all of this I want to apologize for this being so long and I have also not gone in detail of everything. That all was just the big things that are in my head that I just cant shake off 100%.
So thanks for coming to my TED talk I guess haha and if anyone has made it this far good job give yourself a pat on the back you deserve it lol

Also throwaway account since I have two friends that use reddit and that know my actual account.
TLDR
When I was a 14 year I fell in love with a 17 year old which is not quite all there and I have way too many issues moving on with. Possible trauma.
submitted by ThrowAway5934587 to mentalhealth [link] [comments]


2020.10.13 02:55 John_Charles_Fremont /r/neoliberal elects the American Presidents - Part 53, Bush v Kerry in 2004

Previous editions:
(All strawpoll results counted as of the next post made)
Part 1, Adams v Jefferson in 1796 - Adams wins with 68% of the vote
Part 2, Adams v Jefferson in 1800 - Jefferson wins with 58% of the vote
Part 3, Jefferson v Pinckney in 1804 - Jefferson wins with 57% of the vote
Part 4, Madison v Pinckney (with George Clinton protest) in 1808 - Pinckney wins with 45% of the vote
Part 5, Madison v (DeWitt) Clinton in 1812 - Clinton wins with 80% of the vote
Part 6, Monroe v King in 1816 - Monroe wins with 51% of the vote
Part 7, Monroe and an Era of Meta Feelings in 1820 - Monroe wins with 100% of the vote
Part 8, Democratic-Republican Thunderdome in 1824 - Adams wins with 55% of the vote
Part 9, Adams v Jackson in 1828 - Adams wins with 94% of the vote
Part 10, Jackson v Clay (v Wirt) in 1832 - Clay wins with 53% of the vote
Part 11, Van Buren v The Whigs in 1836 - Whigs win with 87% of the vote, Webster elected
Part 12, Van Buren v Harrison in 1840 - Harrison wins with 90% of the vote
Part 13, Polk v Clay in 1844 - Polk wins with 59% of the vote
Part 14, Taylor v Cass in 1848 - Taylor wins with 44% of the vote (see special rules)
Part 15, Pierce v Scott in 1852 - Scott wins with 78% of the vote
Part 16, Buchanan v Frémont v Fillmore in 1856 - Frémont wins with 95% of the vote
Part 17, Peculiar Thunderdome in 1860 - Lincoln wins with 90% of the vote.
Part 18, Lincoln v McClellan in 1864 - Lincoln wins with 97% of the vote.
Part 19, Grant v Seymour in 1868 - Grant wins with 97% of the vote.
Part 20, Grant v Greeley in 1872 - Grant wins with 96% of the vote.
Part 21, Hayes v Tilden in 1876 - Hayes wins with 87% of the vote.
Part 22, Garfield v Hancock in 1880 - Garfield wins with 67% of the vote.
Part 23, Cleveland v Blaine in 1884 - Cleveland wins with 53% of the vote.
Part 24, Cleveland v Harrison in 1888 - Harrison wins with 64% of the vote.
Part 25, Cleveland v Harrison v Weaver in 1892 - Harrison wins with 57% of the vote
Part 26, McKinley v Bryan in 1896 - McKinley wins with 71% of the vote
Part 27, McKinley v Bryan in 1900 - Bryan wins with 55% of the vote
Part 28, Roosevelt v Parker in 1904 - Roosevelt wins with 71% of the vote
Part 29, Taft v Bryan in 1908 - Taft wins with 64% of the vote
Part 30, Taft v Wilson v Roosevelt in 1912 - Roosevelt wins with 81% of the vote
Part 31, Wilson v Hughes in 1916 - Hughes wins with 62% of the vote
Part 32, Harding v Cox in 1920 - Cox wins with 68% of the vote
Part 33, Coolidge v Davis v La Follette in 1924 - Davis wins with 47% of the vote
Part 34, Hoover v Smith in 1928 - Hoover wins with 50.2% of the vote
Part 35, Hoover v Roosevelt in 1932 - Roosevelt wins with 85% of the vote
Part 36, Landon v Roosevelt in 1936 - Roosevelt wins with 75% of the vote
Part 37, Willkie v Roosevelt in 1940 - Roosevelt wins with 56% of the vote
Part 38, Dewey v Roosevelt in 1944 - Dewey wins with 50.2% of the vote
Part 39, Dewey v Truman in 1948 - Truman wins with 65% of the vote
Part 40, Eisenhower v Stevenson in 1952 - Eisenhower wins with 69% of the vote
Part 41, Eisenhower v Stevenson in 1956 - Eisenhower wins with 60% of the vote
Part 42, Kennedy v Nixon in 1960 - Kennedy wins with 63% of the vote
Part 43, Johnson v Goldwater in 1964 - Johnson wins with 87% of the vote
Part 44, Nixon v Humphrey in 1968 - Humphrey wins with 60% of the vote
Part 45, Nixon v McGovern in 1972 - Nixon wins with 56% of the vote
Part 46, Carter v Ford in 1976 - Carter wins with 71% of the vote
Part 47 - Carter v Reagan v Anderson in 1980 - Carter wins with 44% of the vote
Part 48, Reagan v Mondale in 1984 - Mondale wins with 55% of the vote
Part 49, Bush v Dukakis in 1988 - Bush wins with 54% of the vote
Part 50, Bush v Clinton v Perot in 1992 - Clinton wins with 71% of the vote
Part 51, Clinton v Dole in 1996 - Clinton wins with 91% of the vote
Part 52, Bush v Gore in 2000 - Gore wins with 88% of the vote
Welcome back to the fifty-third edition of /neoliberal elects the American presidents!
This will be a fairly consistent weekly thing - every week, a new election, until we run out.
I highly encourage you - at least in terms of the vote you cast - to try to think from the perspective of the year the election was held, without knowing the future or how the next administration would go. I'm not going to be trying to enforce that, but feel free to remind fellow commenters of this distinction.
If you're really feeling hardcore, feel free to even speak in the present tense as if the election is truly upcoming!
Whether third and fourth candidates are considered "major" enough to include in the strawpoll will be largely at my discretion and depend on things like whether they were actually intending to run for President, and whether they wound up actually pulling in a meaningful amount of the popular vote and even electoral votes. I may also invoke special rules in how the results will be interpreted in certain elections to better approximate historical reality.
While I will always give some brief background info to spur the discussion, please don't hesitate to bring your own research and knowledge into the mix! There's no way I'll cover everything!
George Bush v John Kerry, 2004
Profiles
  • George Bush is the 58-year-old Republican candidate and the current President. His running mate is Vice President Dick Cheney.
  • John Kerry is the 61-year-old Democratic candidate and a US Senator from Massachusetts. His running mate is US Senator from North Carolina John Edwards.
Issues and Background
  • One thing both President Bush and Senator Kerry agree on is that on September 11th, 2001, everything changed. On that date, the United States was attacked by the transnational Salafist terrorist organization known as Al-Qaeda. Nineteen terrorists hijacked four passenger airlines. Two planes were flown into the World Trade Center complex, causing the collapse of the North and South towers. Another plane was flown into the Pentagon. The fourth plane did not reach its intended target, with the hijackers thwarted by the plane's passengers - the plane instead crashed into a field in Pennsylvania. Nearly 3,000 people died in the attacks.
    • One week after the attacks, letters containing toxic anthrax spores were sent over several weeks to media outlets and politicians. Initial speculation including from top government officials suggested the letters may have somehow been connected to Al Qaeda or Iraq, but recent publicly known developments suggest the perpetrator may have been an American connected to the intelligence community.
    • The Bush Administration has taken a number of military actions internationally since the attacks as part of a global "war on terror." The most significant operations are given their own summaries in later bullet points.
    • The leader of Al-Qaeda is Osama bin Laden, and there is an ongoing manhunt for him. Senator Kerry claims that the United States had Osama bin Laden pinned down in Tora Bora but that President Bush outsourced the manhunt to Afghan warlords, and that this is why the terrorist leader was able to escape. This characterization is disputed by President Bush and by General Tommy Franks, who was in charge of US forces in Afghanistan at the time. Just days before the election, a new 17 minute video message from Osama Bin Laden has emerged.
    • On October 26, 2001, President Bush signed the Patriot Act. This legislation expands the ability of law enforcement to monitor phone calls and conduct other surveillance, allows greater pooling of intelligence resources across agencies, and expanded the types of crimes considered "terrorism" as well as the penalties for being found guilty of terrorism. Senator Kerry supports the legislation but has suggested it be amended to be stronger against money laundering and possibly increasing oversight of government surveillance powers. Kerry also says he doesn't like the way the current Attorney General has sometimes applied the legislation.
    • In late 2002, President Bush signed legislation creating a Department of Homeland Security.
  • In October 2001, following a failure to come to an agreement with the Taliban regarding the extradition of Osama Bin Laden, the United States invaded Afghanistan. By December, the United States had overthrown the Taliban regime and begun a rebuilding effort in the nation. Since then, and especially since 2003, the United States has fought the Taliban insurgency which formed from the remnants of the Taliban regime. In October of this year, Afghanistan held national elections, which President Bush has touted as a major success. Senator Kerry has described Afghanistan as the "right" war (in contrast with Iraq as the "wrong" war) and seeks to increase the number of American and allied troops in the country.
  • Starting in 2002, the United States began making the case to the country and to the international community for an invasion of Iraq. In October of that year, Congress passed an authorization of force against Iraq should it be considered necessary by the President. The authorization cited interference with weapons inspectors, domestic repression, the possession and development of chemical and biological weapons capabilities, seeking of nuclear weapons capability, and the presence of Al-Qaeda members in Iraq among other justifications.
    In February 2003, Secretary of State Colin Powell presented evidence to the United Nations, arguing that Iraq did possess weapons of mass destruction and was attempting to conceal this fact. He also attempted to link Iraq and Al-Qaeda, primarily through Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi. A month later, the United States announced to the world that diplomacy had failed, and proceeded to invade Iraq alongside the United Kingdom, Australia, and Poland. In April, Baghdad fell, and Saddam Hussein's reign of power ended.
    In May 2003, President Bush announced the end of major combat operations in Iraq in front of a banner reading "Mission Accomplished." What has proceeded since has been an occupation of Iraq which has dealt with a number of challenges. The United States set up a provisional government headed by an American diplomat. This provisional government dissolved the Iraqi military. Unemployment skyrocketed and many government services ended. The United States has since then had to combat an insurgency comprised of former members of the Iraqi military, surviving loyalists to Saddam Hussein, and religious militants. In June of this year, the US and its allies transferred power to a new Iraqi government led by Ayad Allawi.
    • In April of this year, CBS revealed evidence of egregious human rights violations being committed by US Army and CIA personnel against detainees in a prison in Iraq.
    • Just recently, the Iraq Survey Group submitted a final report concluding that Saddam Hussein's Iraq had no chemical weapons, no biological weapons, and no capacity to make nuclear weapons. President Bush's response to the report was as follows:
      Chief weapons inspector, Charles Duelfer, has now issued a comprehensive report that confirms the earlier conclusion of David Kay that Iraq did not have the weapons that our intelligence believed were there. ... The Duelfer report showed that Saddam was systematically gaming the system, using the U.N. oil-for-food program to try to influence countries and companies in an effort to undermine sanctions. He was doing so with the intent of restarting his weapons program, once the world looked away. Based on all the information we have today, I believe we were right to take action, and America is safer today with Saddam Hussein in prison.
    • Republicans have accused Senator Kerry of "flip-flopping" on Iraq, because he voted for the authorization of force there and called Hussein a grave threat, but this year has been very critical of the intervention. He has attempted to reconcile the issue:
      Well, let me tell you straight up, I've never changed my mind about Iraq. I do believe Saddam Hussein was a threat. I always believed he was a threat—believed it in 1998 when Clinton was President. I wanted to give Clinton the power to use force if necessary. But I would have used that force wisely. I would have used that authority wisely, not rushed to war without a plan to win the peace. I would have brought our allies to our side. I would have fought to make certain our troops had everybody possible to help them win the mission.
    • Senator Kerry's plan for Iraq is to use international diplomacy to shift the burden of the rebuilding effort away from the US during his first term. He has said it is possible that by the end of his first term, most of the foreign troops in Iraq would come from countries other than the US. He plans to solicit more international help in Iraq by granting the international community greater access to reconstruction contracts and greater say in the development of a permanent Iraqi government.
  • President Bush has signed into law two rounds of tax cuts. The first bill, in 2001, cut federal income tax breaks for several brackets, cut capital gains taxes, and began a phaseout of the estate tax. The second bill in 2003 lowered rates further. Senator Kerry intends to repeal the Bush tax cuts but only for those making over $200,000 a year.
  • In the 1960s, John Kerry served a four-month tour of duty during the Vietnam War, receiving several medals including three Purple Hearts. He first gained some national recognition as an anti-war activist upon returning, through his involvement with Vietnam Veterans Against the War. Returning to the present, a political group "Swift Vets and POWs for Truth" has formed to oppose Senator Kerry's presidential candidacy. The group claims that Kerry has exaggerated some claims about his service and hurt his fellow servicemen by opposing the war upon return to the US. The group has gone so far as to say he is "unfit to serve" as President. The group has released several television advertisements and a book. As time has gone on, the claims against Kerry have come under serious scrutiny, with some evidence (1) (2) (3) suggesting the attacks on Kerry are unfair or misleading.
  • At the end of last year, President Bush signed into law a major overhaul of Medicare. Perhaps most significantly, a new prescription drug benefit for Medicare beneficiaries will go into effect in 2006. Senator Kerry has attacked President Bush for blocking attempts to allow the importation or at least reimportation of drugs from Canada.
  • In 2002, President Bush signed the No Child Left Behind Act. The main provisions of the legislation mandate an expansion of standardized testing at the state level for public schools receiving federal funds. Further provisions and prescribed corrective action in the legislation depend on a school's ability to consistently improve standardized test scores. Senator Kerry supported the legislation but has criticized the President for not fully funding the associated programs.
  • Embryonic stem cells, coming from human embryos that are about 3-5 days old, are special cells which can divide to form the more specialized cells that are associated with a fully functioning human body. Scientists speak highly of the promise that research on these cells holds, and the potential treatments that could come from such research. However, many conservatives object partially or entirely to embryonic stem cell research because it typically involves the destruction of a human embryo. In 2001, President Bush issued an executive order only allowing federal funds for such research on colonies of stem cells which already existed when the policy was announced. The Bush Administration has argued this is a policy which compromises between ethics and the scientific value of the research. Senator Kerry wants to lift this partial ban.
  • In May of this year, Massachusetts became the first US state to license and recognize same-sex marriages, following a relevant court decision in 2003. John Kerry and George Bush both say they believe marriage is between one man and one woman. However, President Bush supports a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, which Senator Kerry does not. Kerry also voted against the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act.
  • As an exemplification of what they argue is the broader issue of Kerry's alleged "flip-flopping," President Bush and other members of his campaign have repeatedly referred to a quote from Senator Kerry in March, in which he said of a military supplemental appropriations bill, "I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it." Kerry has since said he regrets his phrasing.
Debate Excerpts
Quotations in excerpt titles refer to moderator's prompt, block quotations are from named candidate(s).
First Presidential Debate (full transcript)
(1) Bush on Iraq:
My opponent looked at the same intelligence I looked at and declared, in 2002, that Saddam Hussein was a grave threat. He also said, in December of 2003, that anyone who doubts that the world is safer without Saddam Hussein does not have the judgment to be President. I agree with him. The world is better off without Saddam Hussein.
(2) Kerry on Iraq:
The President just talked about Iraq as a center of the war on terror. Iraq was not even close to the center of the war on terror before the President invaded it. The President made the judgment to divert forces from under General Tommy Franks from Afghanistan before the Congress even approved it, to begin to prepare to go to war in Iraq. And he rushed to war in Iraq without a plan to win the peace.
(3) Bush on homeland security:
But the best way to protect this homeland is to stay on the offense. We have to be right 100 percent of the time, and the enemy only has to be right once to hurt us. There's a lot of good people working hard. And by the way, we've also changed the culture of the FBI to have counterterrorism as its number one priority. We're communicating better. We're going to reform our intelligence services to make sure that we get the best intelligence possible. The PATRIOT Act is vital. It's vital that the Congress renew the PATRIOT Act, which enables our law enforcement to disrupt terrorist cells.
(4) Kerry on the coalition in Iraq:
The United Nations' Kofi Annan offered help after Baghdad fell. And we never picked him up on that and did what was necessary to transfer authority and to transfer reconstruction. It was always American-run. Secondly, when we went in, there were three countries, Great Britain, Australia, and the United States. That's not a grand coalition. We can do better.
(5) Bush on the coalition in Iraq:
Well, actually, he forgot Poland. And now, there are 30 nations involved, standing side by side with our American troops, and I honor their sacrifices. And I don't appreciate it when a candidate for President denigrates the contributions of these brave—brave soldiers. It's—you cannot lead the world if you do not honor the contributions of those who are with us. He called them the "coerced and the bribed." That's not how you bring people together. Our coalition is strong. It will remain strong, for my—so long as I'm the President.
(6) Kerry on whether President Bush lied:
First of all, we all know that in his State of the Union Message he told Congress about nuclear materials that didn't exist. We know that he promised America that he was going to build this coalition. I just described the coalition. It is not the kind of coalition we were described when we were talking about voting for this. The President said he would exhaust the remedies of the United Nations and go through that full process. He didn't. He cut it off, sort of arbitrarily. And we know that there were further diplomatics—efforts underway. They just decided the time for diplomacy is over and rushed to war without planning for what happens afterwards. Now, he misled the American people in his speech when he said, "We will plan carefully." They obviously didn't. He misled the American people when he said, "We'd go to war as a last resort." We did not go as a last resort. And most Americans know the difference.
Vice-Presidential Debate (full transcript)
(1) Cheney on the connection between Saddam Hussein and Al Qaeda:
Concern about Iraq specifically focused on the fact that Saddam Hussein had been, for years, listed on the state sponsor of terror, that they he had established relationships with Abu Nidal, who operated out of Baghdad; he paid $25,000 to the families of suicide bombers; and he had an established relationship with Al Qaida. Specifically, look at George Tenet, the CIA director's testimony before the Committee on Foreign Relations two years ago when he talked about a 10-year relationship.
The effort that we've mounted with respect to Iraq focused specifically on the possibility that this was the most likely nexus between the terrorists and weapons of mass destruction.
(2) Edwards on Iraq:
The vice president suggests that we have the same number of countries involved now that we had in the first Gulf War. The first Gulf War cost the American people $5 billion.
And regardless of what the vice president says, we're at $200 billion and counting. Not only that, 90 percent of the coalition casualties, Mr. Vice President, the coalition casualties, are American casualties. Ninety percent of the cost of this effort are being borne by American taxpayers. It is the direct result of the failures of this administration.
(3) Cheney on Edwards:
Your hometown newspaper has taken to calling you "Senator Gone." You've got one of the worst attendance records in the United States Senate. Now, in my capacity as vice president, I am the president of Senate, the presiding officer. I'm up in the Senate most Tuesdays when they're in session.
The first time I ever met you was when you walked on the stage tonight.
(4) Edwards on Cheney:
The vice president, I'm surprised to hear him talk about records. When he was one of 435 members of the United States House, he was one of 10 to vote against Head Start, one of four to vote against banning plastic weapons that can pass through metal detectors.
He voted against the Department of Education. He voted against funding for Meals on Wheels for seniors. He voted against a holiday for Martin Luther King. He voted against a resolution calling for the release of Nelson Mandela in South Africa.
Second Presidential Debate (Town Hall) (full transcript)
(1) Bush on government spending:
We have a deficit. We have a deficit because this country went into a recession. You might remember the stock market started to decline dramatically 6 months before I came to office, and then the bubble of the 1990s popped. And that cost us rev-enue—that cost us revenue.
Secondly, we're at war. And I'm going to spend what it takes to win the war, more than just 120 billion for Iraq and Afghanistan. We've got to pay our troops more. We have. We've increased money for ammunition and weapons and pay and homeland security. I just told this lady over here we spent—went from 10 to 30 billion dollars to protect the homeland. I think we have an obligation to spend that kind of money.
(2) Kerry on taxes:
Right into the camera—yes. I am not going to raise taxes. I have a tax cut, and here's my tax cut. I raise the child care credit by $1,000 for families to help them be able to take care of their kids. I have a $4,000 tuition tax credit that goes to parents and kids, if they're earning for themselves, to be able to pay for college. And I lower the cost of health care in the way that I described to you.
(3) Bush on health care:
Let me start with how to control the costs of health care: Medical liability reform, for starters, which he's opposed. Secondly, allow small businesses to pool together so they can share risk and buy insurance at the same discounts big businesses get to do. Thirdly, spread what's called health savings accounts. It's good for small businesses, good for owners. You own your own account. You can save tax-free. You get a catastrophic plan to help you— own it. This is different from saying, "Okay, let me incent you to go on the Government."
(4) Kerry on abortion restrictions:
Well, again, the President just said categorically, "My opponent is against this. My opponent is against that." It's just not that simple. No, I'm not. I'm against the partial-birth abortion, but you've got to have an exception for the life of the mother and the health of the mother under the strictest test of bodily injury to the mother. Secondly, with respect to parental notification, I'm not going to require a 16- or 17-year old kid who's been raped by her father and who's pregnant to have to notify her father. So you've got to have a judicial intervention. And because they didn't have a judicial intervention where she could go somewhere and get help, I voted against it. It's never quite as simple as the President wants you to believe.
Third Presidential Debate (full transcript)
(1) Bush on the flu vaccine shortage:
Bob, we relied upon a company out of England to provide about half of the flu vaccines for the United States citizen, and it turned out that the vaccine they were producing was contaminated. And so we took the right action and didn't allow contaminated medicine into our country. We're working with Canada to, hopefully—that they'll produce a—help us realize the vaccine necessary to make sure our citizens have got flu vaccinations during this upcoming season.
My call to our fellow Americans is, if you're healthy, if you're younger, don't get a flu shot this year. Help us prioritize those who need to get the flu shot, the elderly and the young. The CDC, responsible for health in the United States, is setting those priorities and is allocating the flu vaccine accordingly. I haven't gotten a flu shot, and I don't intend to, because I want to make sure that those who are most vulnerable get treated.
(2) Kerry on whether homosexuality is a choice:
We're all God's children, Bob, and I think if you were to talk to Dick Cheney's daughter, who is a lesbian, she would tell you that she's being who she was. She's being who she was born as. I think if you talk to anybody, it's not choice. I've met people who've struggled with this for years, people who were in a marriage because they were living a sort of convention, and they struggled with it. And I've met wives who are supportive of their husbands, or vice versa, when they finally sort of broke out and allowed themselves to live who they were, who they felt God had made them. I think we have to respect that.
(3) Bush on Social Security:
I believe that younger workers ought to be allowed to take some of their own money and put it in a personal savings account, because I understand that they need to get better rates of return than the rates of return being given in the current Social Security trust. And the compounding rate of interest effect will make it more likely that the Social Security system is solvent for our children and our grandchildren.
(4) Kerry on assault weapons:
I believe it was a failure of Presidential leadership not to reauthorize the assault weapons ban. I am a hunter. I'm a gun owner. I've been a hunter since I was a kid, 12, 13 years old. And I respect the second amendment, and I will not tamper with the second amendment. But I'll tell you this. I'm also a former law enforcement officer. I ran one of the largest district attorney offices in America, one of the 10 largest. I've put people behind bars for the rest of their life. I've broken up organized crime. I know something about prosecuting. And most of the law enforcement agencies in America wanted that assault weapons ban. They don't want to go into a drug bust and be facing an AK-47.
Platforms
Read the full 2004 Republican platform here.
Read the full 2004 Democratic platform here.
Internet Resources
Kerry/Edwards Website
Bush/Cheney Website (I can't seem to get a working WebArchive link for this one, feel free to send me one if you find one, should be georgewbush.com)
Videos
Debates
First Presidential Debate
Vice-Presidential Debate
Second Presidential Debate (Town Hall)
Third Presidential Debate
Advertisements
Bush "Whatever it Takes" ad
Bush anti-Kerry windsurfing ad
Bush anti-Kerry "wolves" ad
Swift Vets for Truth anti-Kerry ad
Kerry biographical ad
DNC anti-Bush ad
Kerry taxes counter-ad
Strawpoll
>>>VOTE HERE<<<
submitted by John_Charles_Fremont to neoliberal [link] [comments]


2020.10.13 01:20 lezhangout Should I break up with my nice GF during Covid?

I’ve always felt most like my authentic self when I’m single. During my early 20’s, I never embraced serial dating, only serial hookups. As I entered my late 20’s, I started to question when I was going to start wanting a real relationship. You know, genuinely desiring being close to, and in love with, one woman (even if we were open).
By my late 20’s, I had had sex with hundreds of women (I live in a big, gay city and I went to bars 2-3x per week and found a cute girl to take home on most nights) and I had broken it off with countless women with the line “I just don’t want a relationship.”
Then I turned 30. I started to wonder what was wrong with me. That desire for a relationship just never came. It’s still not here. I had always told myself that any thoughts I had about feeling “wrong” (I don’t know the right word) about never wanting a relationship was simply the heteropatriarchy getting into my mind and if I only desired hookups with other women then that was perfectly alright. But now that I’m older and 100% of the lesbians around me are in, or desire, a long term relationship and are no longer hooking up, my lack of a desire for a relationship seems even weirder.
Anyways, of course I’m IN a relationship right now because I have a weak will and I didn’t put a stop to it when a girl said she wanted to date me. And I’m of course seeking the advice of strangers online to weigh in on whether I should break up with her.
The issue: It’s been over a year and I still don’t have strong feelings for her. I have fun hanging out with her, but I constantly see her as a great person for someone else to date. She told me she loves me, twice. I tried to break up with her several times, but each time she convinced me to remain. I thought if I stayed with her long enough that I would grow to love her, but it’s just not happening. I am constantly wishing I was alone and single, even during Covid, when I know bars and hookup culture is gone.
But I also have a great time with her. We share a lot of the same interests. I enjoy her company. Part of me wonders if this is just the way life is: constantly never feeling completely satisfied; settling for what you really want; moving forward with someone even though you’re not in love. Is this what a relationship can be, too? Am I an idiot for wanting to be alone during Covid when I have a girlfriend who loves me and supports me and who I have fun with?
Why do I still want to be alone?
Have you left a relationship that was a completely OK relationship, just because you wanted to be alone? Are you alone now during Covid and it sucks, even though you were a person who liked being single pre-Covid? Am I a giant idiot and you want to tell me? Sound off. I feel stuck and I need outside opinions.
View Poll
submitted by lezhangout to LesbianActually [link] [comments]


2020.10.12 22:55 CaithAmach2332 Shared Experiences?

Hi All,
Using a throwaway for obvious reasons but I have no issue with discussing my experiences openly and truthfully on this messy and distressing topic.
What I am looking to achieve here is a comparison of experiences. Trying to figure out if my situation lines up correctly with others. It will hopefully also provide a cathartic experience whereby typing my experiences down might help open my eyes and help break and move on from what I think is a porn addiction. Unfortunately it revolves around gender which is making it difficult for me to resolve the issue, as I cant see the wood for the trees as they say.
A brief summary of my remembered childhood crossdressing experiences - Before the age of 12 or so;
Most of these experiences I couldn't explain the why of what I was doing, some of it I believe was innocent childhood fun such as asking my mom to put lipstick on me, that I recall was simply funny to me.
After the age of 12 or so I wore my mom and my sisters clothes at random occasions, none of it being sexual to my memory. It wasn't until I was about 15 that I first masterbated, which I believe to be later than other people based on anecdotal stories. I only did it as an experiment because I had heard a rumour of other guys in school having done it so I wanted to see why, I had no clue what an orgasm was and it came as quite a surprise when it first happened. After that, I eventually found wearing female clothes arousing, but it hadnt always been. I was 'hetero' at the time, and began watching porn at this age which was normal stuff. Internet chat rooms were all the rage and I recall pretending to be a girl in them to solicit nudes from other users, which often turned out to be other guys pretending to be girls to solicit nudes.
I remember around this time moving on and just pretending to be a girl in chat rooms. At this time I didn't know anything about transitioning, but knew it was possible to live as the other gender somehow. Going onto lesbian dating sites and telling anyone who would listen that I was hoping to be a girl at some stage and just chatting about that.
Around this age I got my first girlfriend, she had initiated interest, and while I was attracted to women, I never sought them out at the time, similarly to how I believe when I first masterbated was through naivety. We dated for several months and were sexually active together, though not penetrative due to lack of contraceptives. It was around this time I had begun cross dressing in my step sisters clothes who was a similar age to me, and much younger than my mom who's clothing I didn't like because I felt it wasn't my style. My girlfriend became supportive of me crossdressing and it didn't phase her, she even bought me clothes etc. We went from fooling around to me wanting to be touched the way I would touch her, before we broke up, our final experience was me wearing girls jeans and a top and her feeling me up as if I had the parts of a girl. Sexually it was very enjoyable for me, but I think by this stage it had worn out its welcome with her. I eventually broke up with her to move on to another girl which was short lived, and then my third and last girlfriend (for over 10 years) which lasted several months before ending.
While with my second girlfriend I had further experience in sexual interaction with another person, but before long I can remember the crossdressing thing beginning to rear up when I discussed it with her. I ended things quickly with this girl just on the basis she wasn't what I was looking for. My third girlfriend I don't recall there ever being any gender issues during our time, I was quite the masculine boyfriend with her but she eventually moved on from me.
I crossdressed on and off between 15-20 years old before it mostly went away for a while. It was largely sexual by the end of it, fetishistic crossdressing is the term I believe. However there were many times I would sleep in pyjamas or tshirts given to me by my first girlfriend, she had given me some old training bras as well. I'm a little on the chubby side, so I have slight man boobs. I can remember vividly wearing these tank top style pyjama tops and training bras to bed looking at my chest and wishing to wake up with real breasts.
I'm currently 30 but during my early to mid 20's it all came to a head where I began buying my own clothes and over time I had a wardrobe of my own clothes, shoes, underwear, accessories, jewellery, handbags etc etc, I even bought my own makeup and through constant trial and error, managed to make it look natural and could apply it correctly. I became quite stylish in my outfits too, while I may have been masterbating about it at night, during the day it didn't feel entirely sexual (whether it was running at the back of my mind, under the hood the whole time is another thing). I bought wigs, breast forms and so on, the whole shebang. I eventually grew out my own hair, got my ears pierced and did as much as I could to make everything as real as possible, but while still being able to go under the radar. I had broken down one night in front of a friend after a visit to a strip club with a group of the guys, when I was asked what was wrong, I blurted out I wanted to be a girl, and I don't know why that happened, it wasn't on my mind. I eventually began coming out to my friends and family because this felt more like I was trans than a crossdresser. I came out to work colleagues, created a new facebook account as my new self and so on. I celebrated one of my birthdays (maybe 26th or 27th) with a group of friends with me in my female persona at a gay bar and had a wonderful time apart from the anxiety inducing aspects of it. I began seeing a counsellor because I began hating my body, voice, features etc and truly believed I was actually transgender. What else would account for all I had done?
I didn't find the experience helpful, and at this point in my life I was miserable, my thoughts were 24/7 racing through my mind thinking I was transgender, sleep was a relief because my brain would stop thinking. I was likely suffering depression but it didn't feel the same as it had when I suffered a bout of it at 19 over unrelated problems (unemployment during the global recession) so I thought it was dysphoria. I would eventually see a psychologist who made the idea of attempting transitioning seem realistic and achievable, but without forcing me in to it. I began my first treatment of facial laser hair removal as my facial hair disgusted me, prevented me from wearing makeup whenever I chose and made me upset.
I eventually stopped seeking counselling as it wasn't what I thought it would be, I had half hoped it would provide a diagnosis almost, thereby resolving me of the need to decide to transition, instead it would be a necessity. I stopped the laser treatments as well out of worry in case I was making the wrong decision. I went to my doctor and went onto anti anxiety pills because I was a wreck by this point and life had become very difficult, mentally, for me. The pills lowered my libido (which helped me conclude that it was sexual reasons fueling this desire), the daily masterbation went away but I felt miserable. After a few months I went cold turkey off the anti anxiety tablets because I was taking them to deal with the result of my gender problems, I didn't want to associate with that any more so the tablets had to go. I cut my hair off which was now shoulder length, dumped all my clothes, makeup and prosthetics etc. I became so ashamed at this point, because I had opened up to everyone that I felt I was letting them down, as if I had lied. I also couldn't bring up the sexual element primarily out of shame and that I feared people would think I was either a predator or a pervert. None of this was the case to me, I genuinely thought I was transgender and that my sexual fantasies were about me, me being the girl. I did eventually become happy again as a guy, and have been living as a man, and have been enjoying being a man for the last few years. It is starting to crumble again, and I believe, or hope that it is because of porn.
One of my thought processes during this 'trans' experience I lived was that I wanted my female friends to see me as a lame duck, that I wasn't a man, I wasn't a threat and that I only wanted to be a 'gal pal' to them. During my teen years I was an awful angry, bigoted guy; homophobic, racist, I was even misogynistic. Through 'coming out' I broke down all these barriers and became a nicer, more caring and considerate person. This was partly through avoiding hypocrisy of wanting to be accepted, partly because women tend to be, from my experience, more open and accepting so I wanted to emulate that etc.
Fast forward to now, I haven't cross dressed in a couple of years, I have had minimal to virtually no desire to do so. I have tried to roll back my personality to the pre-coming out stage, minus the bigotry and aggressiveness etc. But what I have discovered is that I solely watch transgender porn now, as I have done for the last few years, but I wonder if I am using it as a crutch; I know similarly to others here, I imagine myself as the female in the videos which is why I cant enjoy straight porn. The trans questioning has slightly returned, my masterbation has increased from once a day, to polluting my thoughts and having typed all this out, I can see how early on porn was an issue, and sexual problems were prevalent. My last and most recent ex-girlfriend two years ago led me to discovering that while I had love and romantic interest in a partner, I lack lust and desire, most likely due to porn use. As a result, I have realised my lack of relationships over the last 10 years is due to lack of desire. I always wondered why I was different to friends who were always successful with girls and I believe that is because I had no sexual desire which is the great attractor. I have also become submissive, in the sense I want someone to approach me, I also am thinking about myself in the wrong way, I want someone to look or feel my ass the same way a girl would use hers to draw attention.
Some of my further issues with this transgender porn is that I have had more sexual experiences with men than I have with women, despite being a 'straight guy', I don't find men attractive or have any romantic interest in them. I wont lie and say I hated the experiences, I enjoyed them at the time, but I undertook them on the basis of being the girl in the situations. In the gay community the term would be a power bottom; I was envisioning myself as a girl, I wanted to feel that way through sex, so I hooked up 2-3 times with guys to get what I wanted and did what I enjoyed with them, regardless of their desires in the situation. At present, a close gay friend of mine uses the gay hook up app Grindr, and I find myself thought wise, regressing, to wanting to download it to have sex with a man to get the validation I want, despite presently being 100% male in appearance.
I am at the point where I am bored of looking at porn, I don't want to use it anymore because it is affecting my ability to have a relationship, but due to it being transgender porn it is having a terrible effect on what I think is my gender identity, and slightly to my sexuality. While some here have posted about sissy porn which I also watch, I find it doesn't affect me in all the same ways, I don't enjoy the humiliation or cuckold aspect, I view it as a 'it takes away my decision responsibility'. I used to get annoyed there wasn't more affirmative sissy porn, whereby instead of it degrading you as a man, it built you up as a woman. The mistresses so frequent in this type of porn seem malicious and I always wondered why they weren't trying to bring you to their level of 'look, being a woman is amazing, you can be like me'.
My final point here; I have moved away from consistently thinking I am trans to thinking I have a porn addiction, an addiction I am finding I am losing to but I am starting to go down the AGP rabbit hole, and that to me seems like it has no positive resolution to, it seems like a 'you're fucked' kind of thing. I know what I have to do, simply cold turkey porn and hope to reset myself over time. Keeping busy and avoiding boredom and isolation with masterbating is the key to it, my problem is the rise of the 'am I actually trans?' thoughts filling in the gaps (which I'm sure is simply my brain latching onto the dopamine producer), the hopelessness of the AGP situation if that has any credence, to thinking that being cis and alpha masculine is not as exciting or desirable (which again is likely the brain resisting something non sexual because there won't be a dopamine hit). I am also afraid, I am afraid of getting close to a girl and coveting her body sexually and that problem not ever going away. Currently I look at some of my female friends and want to be them and my worry is cold turkeying porn, but having nothing to reset to, I began watching porn at 15 and some of my first sexual experiences were from crossdressing.
Does anyone relate to this at all, have I missed something obvious that can set me on the right path? Has this helped anyone else see the truth of their own experiences?
submitted by CaithAmach2332 to TGandSissyRecovery [link] [comments]


2020.10.12 21:17 snipperwolf44 I did a really bad thing

I have been friends with my(ex) best friend for 2 years now. I love her and she is the best friend I have ever had, I just can't explain the way I feel for her. She is amazing A couple of months ago I came out as bisexual to her, even if I wasn't 100% sure about it. She then confessed to me that she's had a crush on me for ever and that I made her realize that she was a lesbian. At first I told her I didn't feel the same and she was ok with it. As I already said, I care about her a lot and she makes me feel amazing but I have never felt attracted to her. Two months later, I got really confused about my feelings and I told her I like her. She was really happy about it and so was I. We didn't start dating, and nothing really changed between us. At first I really thought I had feelings for her, but as the time went by I realized that I didn't actually like her.I never told her the truth. Two weeks ago she suddenly stopped answering to any of my texts. I tried texting her multiple times but she never texted back. Earlier this morning she sent me a text saying that she found out I didn't like her and that I never did (the way she found out is not relevant) She seemed really hurt and she had all the rights to be. I apologized to her and I admitted that I did a really bad thing. She was moreover hurt than angry or upset, and she didn't tell me that she wanted to call it off with me. What should I do? Should I leave her alone and never text her again? I understand that I did a really bad thing and I am really ashamed of what I did, but I really need her in my life. I really care about her
submitted by snipperwolf44 to friendship [link] [comments]


2020.10.12 19:49 Microchili Anyone have any insight?

mentions of transphobia and issues with transition from biological aspects*
Hello, so I’m looking for some advice from maybe others who have been where I’m at. At 12 I came out as a lesbian and the majority of my family was pretty accepting besides my older grandparents. However my first year in college I cane to the realization that it was more than just liking women, I felt like on the inside I was a man. I came out to my friends and girlfriend at the time who were all very accepting, changed my name in my schools directory and set a date/appointment to start hrt. I told my family that summer and was not expecting the complete unacceptable I received, I was told I was no longer allowed around my younger siblings or allowed in the house. There was also mentioning of mental disorders which I certainly may also have but I’ve never been diagnosed and have no issue functioning school/work/financial wise. I cancelled the appointment, changed my name back and switched to a different school. I did this partially because of my family but also I realized I wasn’t sure I wanted to. I’m tiny, under 100 pounds and 4’8 in height. If I were to fully transition I would always be small, have more feminine features due to my sizing, and I would not be able to transition on a genetic fully biological and past scale. I would always have pictures of me as a kid, have my upbringing in society as feminine with the feminine traits rooted in my behavior, back lash from family, an inability to reproduce as a man, and the inability to function sexually fully as a typical man could. I still 100% feel as though internally I’m a man and if I could have made that decision at birth I would have but with the technology we have today and the past being unchangeable I don’t want to be a trans man per say but a cis man. (I understand this wording bothers many in just not sure how else to say it) has anyone else been at this point, what did you do how did you get through it ?
submitted by Microchili to ftm [link] [comments]


2020.10.12 12:45 Microchili Gender identity

mentions issues coming out and transphobic topics*
I am wondering if anyone else has reached this thought process and what they did to help themselves. I recognized that I felt as if I was a man internally and came out at a transgender man to my friends 2 years ago initially while in college, the majority of my friends were very accepting and I had set a date and appointment for starting hrt and changed my name in my colleges directory, however I had not told my family yet. I was previously out at a lesbian since I was 12 and my family had mostly been pretty accepting barring older grandparents. I told my mom how I was feeling and my plans and everything and she flipped out and told me she didn’t want me around my siblings or in the house and that she would not accept it. I moved out completely at that point. However, I decided to change my name back and cancel the appointment and regrow my hair and generally start presenting as female again. Part of this was my families reaction but also part of it was a realization I came to. While technology has come really far it has not fully allowed us to genetically and fully functionally biologically change from one gendesex to the other. I’m tiny less then a 100 pounds, 4’8 and in general small boned. Unfortunately even with hrt and gender defining surgeries I would always look like a either very young small man or have very female features. And even with surgeries I could never be genetically male or change my past photos or how people see me or how I’ve been brought up in society/raised or the face that biologically I could not reproduce as a man or have fully normal functioning sexually as a man. For me if I could pick what I am inside and from birth I’d pick a man 100% but I do not want to be a trans man I want to be biologically male and I decided not to go through with a full transition as I felt like I would lose some biological aspects of me. But of course understandably it has a large affect on my self identity my relationships and who I am in general
submitted by Microchili to LGBTQuestion [link] [comments]


2020.10.12 05:51 overdoves Am I in the wrong for not being interested in trans women?

EDIT: Went to bed and came back and read the replies. It’s really comforting, and I’m glad I’m not broken. Thank you so much.
EDIT2: Holy crap you guys are really making me better. It was really driving me crazy and making me feel disgusted about myself and I was afraid I’d end up doing things I’m not comfortable with. Again thank you all so much
Okay, first of all, I'm not cis myself. I'm cafab (intersex) and technically under the non-binary umbrella.
I've realized I was a lesbian after breaking up with my last boyfriend (trans man) 3 years ago. I figured out I was comfortable having a boyfriend, regardless if they are cis or trans. I realized I wanted a girlfriend, and I was only attracted to women.
Months went by and I went on dates, and being sexuality active, sex has always been a factor in my relationships. I clicked well with cis women, but when I went on dates with trans women, it just... never clicked. Sex didn't interest me at all because I knew they have a penis, and penis just 100% disgust me. I can't even look at pictures of dicks, just imagining touching a dick makes me gag. I have trauma related to penis but honestly, I think I was disgusted by them before I even had said trauma.
When I mentioned this recently, hell broke loose. I was called a terf and a transphobe (despite never, ever calling trans women 'men' or even implying they were men. I never denied their women identities and I never will) for excluding trans women from my dating/sex life, despite being trans myself. I was told to get over it, I was shamed, bullied, that I wasn't really a lesbian because I didn't want to have sex with trans women, and even received death and rape threats over it.
It made me do a couple researches and saw that a lot, LOT of people online say the same things. That lesbians who don't want to have sex with trans women because they aren't comfortable with penis are terf and transphobes and they all should just die or ''shock on their girlcock'' (seriously, people actually say this.), ''it's just like a strap-on'' (IMO, a dick that can actually get me pregnant and has more chances of giving me an STD is really not the same as a silicone toy...), that you don't have to do anything with the penis during sex (that one really makes me go WTF?), that we aren't lesbians we are 'vagina/pussy fetishist' ect ect ect
I know that the extreme points of it, the threats and all, is wrong, no matters who's side you're on. And I feel pain and pity whenever I see lesbians go through the same thing I do, being shamed and ridiculed because they only want to have sex with afab/cis women and they aren't comfortable with dick. That they should ignore their discomfort and force themselves to accept dick in their lives because it's a trans woman (again, trans women are women, never denying this) and that somehow makes it okay.
So basically my question is... should I really try to get over this? Is my genital preference actually a disgusting thing? Am I a bad person for not wanting to have sex with a trans woman, despite being trans myself? I'm tired of being called a ''fetishist'' and receiving rape threats. But thinking about dicks just really made me sick and gag and my stomach goes up in knot so I doubt I'll ever be able to deal with it.
submitted by overdoves to AskLesbians [link] [comments]


2020.10.11 23:33 legendarplayz Number game I have nothing to hide do your worst

The numbers game (text version for the weekend)
The numbers game thingy
Yo guys I made "the numbers game" in a text format so we could do it in the weekends too!

The Basics:

  1. Age
  2. Gender
  3. Height
  4. Weight
  5. Where are you from
  6. Zodiac Sign
  7. First Name
  8. Last Name
  9. Middle Name
  10. Birthday
  11. Main Language(s)

Hobbies/Favorite things:

  1. Favorite Color
  2. Favorite Food
  3. Favorite Activity
  4. Favorite Music genre
  5. Favorite Artist
  6. Favorite Song
  7. Favorite Movie
  8. Favorite Video Game (if any)
  9. Favorite TV show
  10. Do you play any sports
  11. Last thing you did

Life/Experience:

  1. Do you currently have a job
  2. Future Job/CareeAmbitions
  3. Have you drank/smoked anything
  4. Have you done drugs
  5. Do you have any pets
  6. Most Favorable Memory
  7. Most embarrassing moment
  8. Dream Vacation
  9. How many Family members
  10. How many friends
  11. Do you plan on going to college/university

Social Media:

  1. Do you use any other social media then Reddit
  2. Who do you follow
  3. Have you ever had an Internet argument
  4. Most used Social Media app
  5. What's your username on each app
  6. Have you met any friends online
  7. Do you follow any NSFW accounts/pages
  8. Last Person you DM'd/followed
  9. What was the last message you sent
  10. How many followers/friends on social media
  11. Amount of time you use social media

Personal Belongings:

  1. Most expensive thing you own
  2. Do you own anything above $1,000
  3. Most prized possession
  4. Do you own anything embarrassing
  5. Weirdest thing you own
  6. Do you own anything popular
  7. Do you own anything considered "rich"
  8. Do you own anything futuristic
  9. Coolest thing you own
  10. Oldest thing you own
  11. What did you buy/get recently

Appearance/Looks

  1. Hair Style
  2. Halr Length
  3. Hair Color
  4. Nice
  5. Body Style
  6. Ethnicity
  7. What are you wearing
  8. Eye Color
  9. Are you wearing makeup
  10. Type of Underwear you wear
  11. Favorite outfit
  12. Facial/Body Hair

Relationships:

  1. Sexuality
  2. Relationship Status
  3. Who is your crush
  4. Celebrity Crush
  5. Have you ever cheated on someone
  6. Ideal Girlfriend/Boyfriend
  7. Idea of Perfect Date
  8. Have you asked someone out
  9. What do you hope in a relationship
  10. Are you interested in anyone
  11. Do you real life/online date

Sex & Sexuality:

  1. Are you a virgin
  2. Have you ever seen anyone naked
  3. Do you have piercing/tattoos
  4. Have you ever had same-sex expirence
  5. Have you ever sent a nude
  6. Have you ever sexted
  7. Have you ever kissed anyone
  8. Am I aftractIve
  9. Have you ever slept together
  10. Do you want to have sex
  11. Are you straight bi. gay/lesbian. pan, etc.

Sexual: (Welcome to Spicy Town)

  1. Bra/Dick size
  2. Pubic Hair: Natural, trimmed shaved none
  3. Do you have any body hair
  4. (Guys Only) Are you Circumcised
  5. How often you Masturbate
  6. Have you ever watched porn
  7. Ideal Sexual/Physical attributes
  8. Favorite Sexual Fantasy
  9. Turn Ons/Turn Offs
  10. Any Kinks
  11. Ideal Sexual Position
  12. How do you masturbate
  13. Do you own a toy
  14. Have you ever been caught Masturbating
  15. Have you ever walked in when someone was having sex
  16. Biggest fears of Sex
  17. Do you have any STDs
  18. How often are you horny
  19. Most embarrassing sexual story
  20. Are you currently horny
  21. What do you expect in a sexual relationship

Academics/School

  1. Where do you go to school
  2. What classes do you take
  3. What grade are you in
  4. Most favorite teacher
  5. Least favorite teachers
  6. Highest Grade/Lowest Grade in classes
  7. How long is your school day
  8. Did you do your homework
  9. Do you have any tests, quizzes or exams coming up
  10. Last bad grade
  11. Last good grade

Economic Status/Wealth:

132: Are you rich/poor
  1. Where do you stand in the wealth class (working class, wealth owner class)
  2. How big is your house
  3. Take a picture of your house
  4. How much do your parents make
  5. Do your parents struggle with debt
  6. Do you own a pool (above ground/below ground)
  7. Do you live in a gated neighborhood
  8. Do you have expensive stuff
  9. How big is your room
  10. What kind of school do you go to

Misc:

  1. Send a selfie
  2. Do whatever I say (no saying no)
  3. DM me
submitted by legendarplayz to teenagers [link] [comments]


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